News editors decide what to broadcast on television and what to print in newspapers. What factors do you think influence these decisions? Do we become used to bad news? Would it be better if more good news was reported?
The bar chart depicts how much money pay per
week
on
fast food in the UK and the graph illustrates the Change preposition
for
consumption
of fast food from 1970 to1990
.
Correct your spelling
to 1990
overall
, it can clearly be seen that,
Remove the comma
apply
consumption
with high
Add a hyphen
high-income
income
group, hamburgers are the most consuming
food with more than 40 Wrong verb form
consumed
pence
per person
per week
and pizza in the low
Add a hyphen
low-income
income
group is the least one with close 8
Change preposition
to 8
pence
per person
per week
while
,
the graph indicates hamburgers have the most Remove the comma
apply
consumption
with top of 500grames in1990.
Amount
of hamburger Correct article usage
The amount
consuming
in two groups, including high Replace the word
consumption
income
and average income
was the highest while
this
factor in the group with low income
was the least one with just under 15 pence
per person
per week
. Eating fish and chips had the least in the high income
meanwhile fish and chips was the most cost in the average income
with 25 pence
per person
per week
. Pizza was the least consumption in
among Correct word choice
consumed
three
groups Correct article usage
the three
therefore
, this
cost include
20 Change the verb form
includes
pence
in
Change preposition
for
high
Add a hyphen
high-income
income
, 12 pence
in
average Change preposition
for
income
and less than 10 pence
in
Change preposition
for
low
Add a hyphen
low-income
income
.
Regarding the graph, it can clearly be seen that,
there was a significant increase in hamburger Remove the comma
apply
using up
in the two decades from Verb problem
usage
100grames
to more than Correct your spelling
100 grams
500grames
. The amount of fish and chips Correct your spelling
500 grams
degrees
negligibly from 1970 to 1985 more than 100grames and pizza Correct your spelling
decreased
consumption
had a considerable improvement in the last
two decades from nearly 20grames to close 300grames
.Change preposition
to 300grames
Submitted by nimalizadeh.ir on
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coherence cohesion
The response lacks coherence and cohesion due to the absence of clear logical connectors and appropriate paragraphing. The text reads as an unorganized collection of points, which makes it difficult for the reader to follow the argument or narrative. To improve, you should organize your ideas into clear, logical paragraphs and make use of conjunctions and discourse markers to show the relationship between ideas.
task achievement
The task achievement is poor. The response does not engage with the prompt effectively, and instead appears to address a different task related to a graphical depiction of fast food consumption and associated spending, which is not connected to the topic concerning news editors' decisions on broadcasting. The essay should focus specifically on answering the question posed by the prompt and providing support for each point made.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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