IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in other countries. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Many think that professional workers owe a debt to the country they trained . I believe they should be free to work where they choose because they can make more money. On the one hand, professionals often receive considerable funding from their government to become fully qualified. It is only fair that they should repay
this
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 support by working in that place.
This
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 is because they often do jobs that greatly benefit society, and
this
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 is why their government invested in them in the first place.
For example
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, the U.K. spends millions of pounds training junior doctors through University tuition fees and on-the-job training.
However
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, every individual should have the opportunity to reach their maximum potential. Those employed in the professions are some of the world’s most highly skilled workers;
therefore
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, they are in high demand. There is a global market for their skills, and they can command much higher salaries by moving abroad. If they were blocked from doing so, it would be a substantial financial disadvantage for the individual.
For instance
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, petroleum engineers can make hundreds of thousands of dollars more in oil-rich countries,
such
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 as Saudi Arabia, compared to remaining in Europe. I agree that the individual’s right to work wherever they please trumps any nationalistic considerations. In conclusion,
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 there is a tremendous amount of investment in a professional’s development, they should have the right to choose whether to repay that by working in their home state or moving to a region that pays the highest value for their skills.

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introduction conclusion present
The essay needs a more developed introduction to better paraphrase the prompt and outline the forthcoming discussion. Aim to clearly state what the two sides of the argument are before delving into the body paragraphs.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion is brief and could be expanded to reinforce the writer's argument. It should summarize the main points discussed and reflect why the writer's opinion is valid based on those points.
logical structure
Include a wider range of cohesive devices to better link ideas and paragraphs, ensuring a smoother flow of information and arguments throughout the essay.
logical structure
The essay should include a balanced discussion of both views before stating the writer's own opinion. This helps demonstrate an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
supported main points
Support your main points with a broader range of examples and ensure these examples are detailed enough to substantiate your arguments effectively.
complete response
Address all parts of the task by ensuring that both views are discussed adequately and your opinion is clearly stated. A more balanced response would strengthen your position.
clear comprehensive ideas
Expand on the ideas presented with further explanation and analysis to create a more comprehensive argument. Depth and development of ideas are key to a high score in task achievement.
relevant specific examples
Use more varied and specific examples to support your points, ensuring they directly relate to the argument you are making. This will enhance the persuasive element of your essay.
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