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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People can eat a variety of food that can be grown in other areas. As a result, people eat more food produced in other regions than local food. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadavantages?

#people #variety #food #areas #regions #trend #disadavantages
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Nowadays,
food
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 production has risen as the demand increases. With the increase of
food
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 production
people
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 can consume a variety of
food
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that is
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 not locally grown. Since
people
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 have access to these variations of
food
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, they tend to consume imported foods rather than locally-made produce. In
this
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 essay, I will provide the pros and cons of
this
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 and why it would be a disadvantage to do so.
To begin
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 with, an advantage of having a variation of produce is good as it allows
people
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 to have a wider variety of
food
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 to consume.
This
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 can
also
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 be helpful to
people
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 with specific needs
such
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 as vegans or
people
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 with intolerances.
For example
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, growing up in the Philippines I have lactose intolerance and
this
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 has made consuming
milk
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 products very difficult for me as I will have a severe stomach after eating
food
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 that contains
milk
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. When I was growing up, our town did not have access to
milk
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 alternatives
such
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 as soy or almond
milk
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, but with the demand for
milk
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 alternatives, I was able to buy almond
milk
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 from a local dairy.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 can be disadvantageous to local produce. Importing foreign foods can be harmful to farmers and sellers of local produce.
For example
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, in the Philippines, local farmers are having a hard time selling their produce as the government is more set on importing produce into the country as the government aims to cater to foreigners
instead
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 of the citizens.
As a result
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,
this
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 could affect the economy of the country as it can cause inflation and in turn, will affect locals as they now will have to pay more in order to buy and consume
food
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.
To conclude
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, having access to and eating imported produce is beneficial to
people
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 who have specific needs
however
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, the disadvantages
such
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 as importing goods can be harmful to a country's economy and outweigh the benefits.
Submitted by estillorericamae on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the coherence and cohesion, make sure to use more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas smoothly. This will help the reader to follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Ensure that your main points are fully expanded upon. For example, discuss more about how the focus on imported goods over local produce affects the local farmers and the economy.
task achievement
Proofread for minor language errors to improve your overall writing clarity and quality.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly outlines the issue and sets up the essay well, making it very clear what the writer's stance is.
supported main points
The essay includes relevant and specific examples, which help to illustrate the points being made.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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