IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Government should spend more money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

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It is argued that the government should invest in railways more than in highways.
Although
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 many people see that the roads are more essential, I believe that the railroads play a significant role in reducing the pollution in our environment
as well as
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 reducing traffic jams. On the one hand, environmental issues are one of the main problems in
this
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 era. The amount of carbon dioxide
that is
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 released into our atmosphere is alarming
due to
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 vehicle traffic.
For example
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, By using trains many people will give up their cars,
As a result
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 of that, the amount of CO2 emitted will decrease.
Hence
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, The government must intervene to increase their investment in the railway system in order to contribute to reducing pollution in the environment.
On the other hand
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, Rail transport is safer than other transportation types. It is undeniable that the roads have the highest number of car accidents, causing the loss of many people’s lives.
For instance
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,
Due to
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 the lack of railroads in Saudi Arabia, many citizens use their cars,
For
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this
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 reason, the highest death rate in KSA, Is
due to
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 car accidents.
Therefore
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, It is rare that a collision occurs between the trains.
Moreover
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, There is no doubt that public transportation has some disadvantages,
Such
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 as standing for a long time for the train
as well as
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 slowness in moving and arriving. But, It is safe and reduces traffic congestion. In conclusion, There are many positive aspects to investment in railways, On the societal and environmental levels.

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that both the introduction and conclusion are fully developed and clearly state your position on the topic. The conclusion is currently lacking strength in reaffirmation of your viewpoint.
logical structure
Improve logical sequencing by expanding ideas in separate paragraphs and use a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of the essay.
supported main points
Elaborate upon main points with more detailed explanations and examples. Specific examples are sparse; adding more would strengthen the arguments.
complete response
While the response is somewhat complete, ensure that every part of the prompt is addressed and that there is a clear position throughout the essay. There's room for additional development of ideas to fully respond to the task.
clear comprehensive ideas
The clarity of ideas can be improved by more precise arguments and a stronger thesis statement. Use varied sentence structures to emphasize key points and clarify arguments.
relevant specific examples
Include more relevant, specific examples that directly support the argument. Examples should clearly illustrate the point being made and demonstrate real-world implications or scenarios.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainability
  • environmental footprint
  • efficiency
  • pollution
  • cost-effectiveness
  • economic development
  • accessibility
  • public transportation
  • congestion
  • air pollution
  • initial investment
  • maintenance
  • upgrades
  • rural
  • urban
  • last-mile connectivity
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