In many countries traditional foods are being replaced by international fast food. This is having a negative effect on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Globalisation has changed the diets of a
lot
of individuals. It is concurred by many nations that fast
food
is given more preference than traditional
meals
which is impacting their families and societies.I certainly believe that fast
food
is detrimental to health and causes various diseases.
This
essay will discuss my viewpoints in subsequent paragraphs. The underlying reason attributing to
this
trend is the sedentary lifestyle
people
are following nowadays.
People
are not considering the fact that fast
food
is not only high in calories but
also
has some bad effects on
overall
health.
Furthermore
, these
foods
are high in sugar , full of trans fat and contribute to obesity in
people
.
As a result
, they are diagnosed with a
lot
of health issues like heart attacks, artery blockage and other cardiovascular diseases. To epitomize, it has been proven several times that because of the less time ,
people
are not giving priority to traditional
meals
.Since, the Indian diet has a
lot
of fibre, protein and fibre,the masses are still following unhealthy
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
meals
.
Thus
, the more they do not follow a healthy diet more the chances of chronic diseases.
Is
Change the verb form
Are
show examples
there any other reasons? Certainly, there is. Fast
foods
are less costly than fresh
foods
. Rather than spending money on fast
food
,humans should follow a diet with rich nutrients like high
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
protein,fibre and iron. Fast
food
corners are in every corner of the cities with cheap prices and more affordability.
Furthermore
, because of attractive colorful labels,
people
got attracted to packed
foods
.
Besides
that,
people
should eat with their family members are make
food
at home which will strengthen the relationship with family members.
According to
a recent publication, eight
of
Change preposition
out of
show examples
ten
people
prefer fast
food
over traditional
food
, which is a shocking result for the future generation.
Hence
,
people
should eat more home-cooked
meals
. In
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
conclusion, having mulled over the aforementioned information,
it is clear that
we should rely on home-cooked
foods
because there are a
lot
of negative consequences for it.The government should make stringent rules to lessen the trend of fast
food
.
Submitted by rajparul86 on

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task achievement
The essay presents a clear position throughout the response, but there are issues concerning the specificity and elaboration on examples. It is crucial to support your main points with more detailed and specific examples that are directly linked to the question. You should also avoid any vague or over-generalised statements that do not add weight to your argument.
coherence cohesion
In terms of logical structure, you should work on creating more coherent body paragraphs that have clear topic sentences and follow through with supporting sentences that relate directly to the topic sentences. Transitions between ideas could also be smoother.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present, however, they are not fully developed. The introduction could be more engaging and should outline the main points to be discussed. Similarly, the conclusion should summarise the key points made in the essay and clearly reflect on them, reinforcing your position.

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