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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that social networking sites have a considerably detrimental effect on individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #sites #effect #individuals #society
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Many
people
 believe that social networking
sites
 have a negative impact on society. From my perspective,
although
 some problems are caused by social media, I believe they are beneficial to everyone. As of today, billions of
people
 are using social platforms like Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter, which offer many benefits to their users.
First,
it helps individuals connect with each other.
For example
, students who study abroad mostly live far away from their families. Many
people
 feel homesick after not seeing their parents for several months. Through the Internet and social media, they can talk, chat, and even make video calls to connect with relatives far away.
Additionally
, it is easy to make friends with new
people
 who join these online networking platforms.
As a result
, new connections are formed and building relationships becomes much easier than before.
Second,
these
sites
 are a great place to find work, advertise, or even start a new business. Today, many recruiters use these apps to find suitable candidates for the job. Applicants can send their resume directly to recruiters for a chance of getting hired.
Additionally
, some applications,
such
 as Facebook, allow users to sell and buy items on the marketplace, which provides opportunities for the formation of new businesses. Not only do individuals benefit from social networking
sites
, but society
also
 benefits. Many
people
 who hold fringe views have a hard time finding others who share their views.
As a result
, they feel neglected and unable to fit in with the current crowd. Social media
sites
 allow them to find
people
 who share their lifestyles and a place where they feel safe and belonging.
On the other hand
, there is a shift in the balance of power.
For example
, many issues related to the environment and culture are left untouched by the government.
Therefore
,
people
 stand together and express their thoughts and voices online to demand that the authorities take action and deal with these issues. It is impossible for one person to make
such
 a change, but through the power of the masses, many problems can be solved. All in all, I think online social platforms are beneficial and can have a positive impact in many cases. Every new technology or development can be harmful if we don't use it correctly, but if we use it correctly it will help make the world a better place.
Submitted by yuqingchen10 on

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Task Achievement
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, demonstrating your ability to present and summarize your arguments effectively. Nonetheless, ensure that your conclusion is more reflective of the discussions within the body paragraphs, encapsulating not just the perceived benefits but also acknowledging the drawbacks mentioned to provide a balanced view.
Task Achievement
Your main points are supported with specific examples and explanations. However, strive to include a more diverse range of examples to substantiate your points. The use of varied and targeted examples can better demonstrate an in-depth understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence is present, with logical sequencing of ideas and use of linking devices. To enhance cohesion, pay closer attention to the use of connectors to ensure the smooth flow of ideas and to avoid repetition. Refinement in this area will strengthen the overall structure and readability of your essay.
Task Achievement
The essay generally adheres to the topic, providing a response that is largely focused on the benefits of social networking sites. Ensure that a balanced argument is presented by exploring the detrimental effects as well, as the prompt requires a discussion on the extent of your agreement or disagreement with the negative impacts stated.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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