IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many developing countries are currently expanding their tourist industries. Why is this the case? It is a positive or negative development?

#countries #tourist #industries #case #development
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In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern times, many developing
countries
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 all over the world tend to
largen
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large
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 and promote their
tourist
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industries
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. There are some realistic reasons
of
Change preposition
for
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this
Linking Words
 issue; personally,
however
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, I think
this
Linking Words
 is a negative development for
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
this country
these countries
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countries
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 themselves. On the one hand, there are several factors to develop the
tourist
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industries
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 in developing
countries
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.
To begin
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 with, it can meet the local people’s job demands. To explain,
this
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 type of industry requires a large amount of people,
include
Wrong verb form
including
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 people who have no experience. That very nature benefits people’s life
condition
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conditions
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 by having
on
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an
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 occupation and decreases
the
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apply
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unemployment in some
countries
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 which are on the way to
develop
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development
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.
In addition
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,
tourist
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industries
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 help
that
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apply
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countries
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 develop their own economy. When the amount of visitors rapidly, it means they can promote their income sources by serving them the facilities and collecting the taxes.
On the other hand
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,
besides
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 some of the reasons above, it seems to me that it is still a negative development in some
countries
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. The top idea of these nations depends much on the flow of tourism. To illustrate
this
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, in the year
of
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apply
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2020,
the
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Vietnam’s economy reported a
decreased
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decrease
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 of 79%
income
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in income
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 because of
the
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apply
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Covid-19
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COVID-19
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. It demonstrated that
tourist
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industries
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is
Change the verb form
are
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 not
a
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apply
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suitable to expand and concentrate on.
Moreover
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, it can directly influence the environment.
In particular
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, many
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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tourism
Replace the word
tourists
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 tend to throw away their rubbish in
the
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apply
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normal places
instead
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 of in recycling places. It can affect the
eco-system
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ecosystem
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 by the mountain of litter
being
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apply
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. In conclusion, some developing
countries
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 nowadays concentrate on expanding the
tourist
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industries
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because of
Change preposition
for
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 some reasons.
However
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, I still claim the idea that it is
still
Rephrase
apply
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a negative development for
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
them
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.
Submitted by tranthitotam05111983 on

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logical structure
Consider structuring your essay into clear paragraphs, each one covering a distinct idea with relevant supporting details. Your introduction should outline your argument, and your conclusion should summarise your points without introducing new ideas.
introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are clearly identifiable, presenting your thesis statement and summarising your argument, respectively.
supported main points
Support each main point with specific, relevant examples and explanations. This gives strength to your argument and demonstrates an understanding of the topic.
complete response
Your response should fully address all parts of the task with a clear position throughout the response. Your ideas should be fully developed and well-explained.
clear comprehensive ideas
Strive to present clear, well-developed ideas in a logical sequence. There is room for improvement in the clarity and development of your arguments.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate more relevant examples and data to support your arguments. Specific examples add depth and credibility to your writing.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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