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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The concept of success has varying interpretations. Some individuals attribute success to hard work and determination, while others emphasize factors such as wealth and physical appearance as being more influential. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. 5.0

#concept #success #interpretations #individuals #work #determination #factors #wealth #appearance
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Some argue that
success
 can be interpreted by how hardworking an individual is,
while
 others think that factors like
wealth
 and appearance are more dominant.
Although
 determination surely is a necessary component for
success
, I believe that
wealth
 should be the main consideration as
money
 greatly affects
people
's life qualities in modern society. On the one hand, no one can succeed without putting
work
 into it. Even if you have an innovative idea that can help millions of
people
, nothing will change if no one is putting it into action.
For instance
, Albert Edison had made hundreds of trials before he created the first functional light bulb. The difference between a successful person like Edison and a common individual is that most
people
 lose their determination
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
midway.
Hence
, there is no doubt that hard
work
 plays an important role
torwards
Correct your spelling
towards
success
.
On the other hand
,
wealth
 gives
people
 the ability to enhance their lives. Nowadays, we live in a
captialism
Correct your spelling
capitalist
 society, where most of the things require
money
.
For example
, food is sold in supermarkets, games and movie tickets cost
money
, and there are bills and rents that need to be paid. A successful man can not only use the
money
 to buy better and healthier food for himself, he can even make donations to help other
people
 as well.
Moreover
, I think that
wealth
 is an objective number that can be easily compared. Things like the degree of effort or dedication put into
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
work
 may not be easily quantified,
while
 the salary of a job clearly means how much your
work
 is worth.
Therefore
, an objective factor like
wealth
 should be used to interpret the concept of
success
. In conclusion, despite the fact that in order to succeed there must be hard
work
 put into it, I believe that
wealth
 as an objective factor that greatly affects
people
's daily lives is more influential in interpreting
success
.
Submitted by jackcityone on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical structure by providing distinct paragraphs for each point of view and your own opinion. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence and proceed with supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction and conclusion that clearly express the main topic and your stance. The introduction should paraphrase the task and the conclusion should summarize the main points.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples and explanations for a stronger argument. Avoid general statements without concrete evidence.
task achievement
Completely respond to all parts of the task, including discussing both views thoroughly and providing your clear opinion. Make sure to give equal attention to each part of the prompt to fully satisfy the task requirements.
task achievement
Formulate clear and comprehensive ideas that accurately reflect the prompt's requirements. Expand on these ideas with details and reasoning.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to support your points. The examples should clearly illustrate your arguments and contribute to the overall response to the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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