IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that school children should not be given homework by their teachers, whereas others argue that homework plays an important role in the education of children. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

#people #school #children #homework #teachers #role #education
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some individuals argue that
children
Use synonyms
 having
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
 of
homework
Use synonyms
 is overwhelming and it should be stopped.
Linking Words
While other
Correct word choice
Other
show examples
 opinions explain that
homework
Use synonyms
 is crucial when it comes to effective education. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both statements and give my personal thinking.
Firstly
Linking Words
, education nowadays is much more complicated and the amount of
homework
Use synonyms
 given
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 is comparatively more than it was in the past.
Subsequently
Linking Words
,
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 volume of tasks
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 feel stressed and anxious which leads to mental health problems.
For example
Linking Words
, Korea is one of the countries where
happens
Verb problem
apply
show examples
many suicides because of pressure from parents
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
, which is vividly shown in dramas
such
Linking Words
 as Sky High and Penthouse.
Children
Use synonyms
 on their way to meet their
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
 expectations end up losing touch with their true selves and forgetting about their dreams.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, having
homework
Use synonyms
 helps
students
Use synonyms
 to solidify their knowledge. Doing exercise at school with other
students
Use synonyms
 and
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 it at home are totally different things.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
exercising
Change preposition
by exercising
show examples
 on their own
students
Use synonyms
 will learn how to do it alone and cope with the task,
Linking Words
also
Correct pronoun usage
which also
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
builds confidence in
this
Linking Words
 subject and area.
For instance
Linking Words
, math is one of the subjects which will be learnt by only
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
. Solving mathematical equations they will get used to
see
Wrong verb form
seeing
show examples
 it and get comfortable with expressions without getting scared of them. In my opinion,
children
Use synonyms
 should be assigned
homework
Use synonyms
, as it allows them to actively engage with and learn from the material, rather than merely observing and listening
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
Besides
Linking Words
, understanding information is one thing, but truly acquiring knowledge is another.
Submitted by forcookiearu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Ensure that you structure your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence
Make sure your essay has a logical progression of ideas, and use a range of cohesive devices appropriately.
support
Provide clear topic sentences for each paragraph, followed by supportive details and specific examples.
task response
Fully address all parts of the task, ensuring your position is clear throughout the essay.
language
Include a variety of complex structures and vocabulary, with attention to accuracy and appropriate usage.
tone
Avoid using colloquial language and maintain a formal academic tone throughout your writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Instills discipline
  • Deepen understanding
  • Independent learning
  • Reinforcement
  • Parental involvement
  • Curriculum insight
  • Burnout
  • Student stress
  • Leisure time
  • Relevance of assignments
  • Project-based learning
  • Interactive learning
  • Individual learning styles
  • Conducive study environment
  • Homework policy
  • Balanced approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: