IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

#people #money #future
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Saving
money
 is a popular acknowledged principle in society and a cornerstone
in
Change preposition
of
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 financial stability. In my view, I strongly agree with the statement that accumulating wealth for people’s
future
 is essential for all individuals, regardless of their age. The first reason why saving
money
 is a good choice for everybody is because it can help enable them to have financial security in the
future
. By economising
as well as
 reducing unnecessary expenditure, they can minimise unforeseen circumstances like suffering from a health problem and
also
 become more prepared for their current or
future
 necessity
such
 as buying a home, holding a wedding, and purchasing a vehicle. The fact that some people face a financial problem, which can
therefore
 cause a destructive impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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, proves the importance of financial stability cannot be overlooked. The second argument in favour of dedicating
money
 to savings is that it can allow individuals to develop a positive financial mindset which is very beneficial for their
future
.
Although
 it feels challenging at the beginning, there are numerous valuable lessons they can learn and apply if they take the process seriously,
along with
 exploring new opportunities related to financial development,
for
instance
Add the comma(s)
instance,
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 investment and
money
 management.
Furthermore
, saving
money
also
 can make human beings wiser in spending
money
, encouraging them to prioritise needs before wants.
Thus
, it can clearly be seen that a habit of saving from an early stage will be very useful for their
future
, specifically having a good financial mindset.
To sum up
, saving
money
 not only allows humans to obtain financial stability but
also
develop
Correct subject-verb agreement
develops
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a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
positive financial thinking. Considering its advantages, I remain firmly convinced that society, including young people, should save
money
 for their
future
.
Submitted by karelrenaldi8 on

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task achievement
While the essay is logically structured and flows well, including more specific examples would reinforce your arguments and make them more relatable.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all sentences are fully developed and avoid any minor grammatical mistakes, such as "a popular acknowledged principle" which could be better phrased as "a commonly acknowledged principle."
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively positioned, making the essay easy to follow.
task achievement
Points are well-supported with logical arguments, reflecting a clear understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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