In some countries owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you thing it is a positive or negative situation?
Ownership of a house is a lot more preferred by individuals in some 
countries
. In these Use synonyms
countries
, Use synonyms
people
 may prefer owning a Use synonyms
home
 because of the high rents and  irregular incomes. And, I believe Use synonyms
this
 is a positive situation in terms of residents.  
  To commence with, owning a Linking Words
home
 might have significant importance for some Use synonyms
people
 because of the high rents Use synonyms
as a result
 of Linking Words
inflation
 in that country. Use synonyms
For instance
,  Linking Words
Turkey
, which is a country that still suffers from the economic instability caused by Use synonyms
COVID-19
 pandemic in 2019, has announced   its 2023 Correct article usage
the COVID-19
inflation
 rate which is above %400. So, rent prices in big cities climbed up to ten thousand Turkish liras which is akin to the average salary. Use synonyms
As a result
, having your own house might be important for Linking Words
people
 in Use synonyms
countries
 with high Use synonyms
inflation
 rates. Even if the Use synonyms
inflation
 rate increases Use synonyms
people
 can still want to own a house. And,Use synonyms
Turkey
 can benefit from  Use synonyms
this
 situation. As the demand for homes increases, the money circulation increases and  results in a better economy.    
Linking Words
Besides
, in Linking Words
countries
 like Malaysia, most of the Use synonyms
people
 have irregular incomes. For those Use synonyms
people
, adjusting money for rent may not same  every month. So, to not carry the stress of Use synonyms
this
 on their shoulders, Linking Words
people
 can dream of their own Use synonyms
home
 and Use synonyms
this
 might be a considerable thing.  
   Linking Words
To sum up
, owning a Linking Words
home
 might have real significance for Use synonyms
people
 in coe Use synonyms
countries
 like Use synonyms
Turkey
 or Malaysia. Use synonyms
People
 may dream Use synonyms
owning
 a Change preposition
of owning
home
 because they may not spend most of their salaries on high rents, which Use synonyms
Turkey
 sets an example Use synonyms
as a result
 of the high Linking Words
inflation
 rate, or they may have irregular incomes and may face  difficulties in terms of adjusting the necessary money for the rent.Use synonyms
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that there is a clear overall progression to your essay. Your ideas sometimes jump abruptly without clear connections which can confuse the reader.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction should clearly state your position regarding the topic, and it should include a brief outline of the main points to be discussed in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with more detailed examples and explanations. You touched on specifics such as Turkey's inflation and the challenges in Malaysia but more elaboration would make your points stronger.
task achievement
Your essay should fully address all parts of the task. The second part of the question regarding whether owning a home is positive or negative was not covered comprehensively.
task achievement
Strive for a clear and a comprehensive presentation of ideas. While you mention some reasons for the importance of home ownership, you could expand on this and link it more directly to the implications for individuals and the wider society, thus ensuring a more thorough exploration of the topic.
task achievement
Provide relevant examples to back up each point you make. The examples you used were good, but you need to develop them more fully to show how they support your argument.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite