In some countries owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you thing it is a positive or negative situation?

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Ownership of a house is a lot more preferred by individuals in some
countries
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. In these
countries
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,
people
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may prefer owning a
home
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because of the high rents and irregular incomes. And, I believe
this
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is a positive situation in terms of residents.   To commence with, owning a
home
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might have significant importance for some
people
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because of the high rents
as a result
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of
inflation
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in that country.
For instance
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,
Turkey
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, which is a country that still suffers from the economic instability caused by
COVID-19
Correct article usage
the COVID-19
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pandemic in 2019, has announced its 2023
inflation
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rate which is above %400. So, rent prices in big cities climbed up to ten thousand Turkish liras which is akin to the average salary.
As a result
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, having your own house might be important for
people
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in
countries
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with high
inflation
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rates. Even if the
inflation
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rate increases
people
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can still want to own a house. And,
Turkey
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can benefit from
this
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situation. As the demand for homes increases, the money circulation increases and results in a better economy.  
Besides
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, in
countries
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like Malaysia, most of the
people
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have irregular incomes. For those
people
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, adjusting money for rent may not same every month. So, to not carry the stress of
this
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on their shoulders,
people
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can dream of their own
home
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and
this
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might be a considerable thing.  
To sum up
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, owning a
home
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might have real significance for
people
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in coe
countries
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like
Turkey
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or Malaysia.
People
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may dream
owning
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of owning
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a
home
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because they may not spend most of their salaries on high rents, which
Turkey
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sets an example
as a result
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of the high
inflation
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rate, or they may have irregular incomes and may face difficulties in terms of adjusting the necessary money for the rent.
Submitted by oyku.bilgin12 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that there is a clear overall progression to your essay. Your ideas sometimes jump abruptly without clear connections which can confuse the reader.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction should clearly state your position regarding the topic, and it should include a brief outline of the main points to be discussed in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with more detailed examples and explanations. You touched on specifics such as Turkey's inflation and the challenges in Malaysia but more elaboration would make your points stronger.
task achievement
Your essay should fully address all parts of the task. The second part of the question regarding whether owning a home is positive or negative was not covered comprehensively.
task achievement
Strive for a clear and a comprehensive presentation of ideas. While you mention some reasons for the importance of home ownership, you could expand on this and link it more directly to the implications for individuals and the wider society, thus ensuring a more thorough exploration of the topic.
task achievement
Provide relevant examples to back up each point you make. The examples you used were good, but you need to develop them more fully to show how they support your argument.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • renting
  • importance
  • sense of security
  • stability
  • financial investment
  • asset
  • customize
  • decorate
  • belonging
  • community
  • potential
  • future generations
  • long-term
  • cost advantage
  • control
  • living space
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