IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

A friend is considering buying a house nearby, but you have decided to leave the area due to a rise in crime. Write a letter to your friend advising them not to move into the neighbourhood. In your letter: – Recommend that your friend not go ahead with the purchase – Give the reasons behind your decision to leave – Suggest possible alternative areas that you know

#friend #house #area #rise #crime #move #neighbourhood #purchase #decision #alternative #areas
Dear Zainub, I got your letter yesterday. It's always lovely to hear from you! takes me back to our old days, when we took rikshaws to catch our classes. Coming back to the present, I read that you plan to move into my current neighbourhood after moving back to Kathmandu. Sadly, I'd like to inform you, that I'm moving from
this
 area and would recommend the same that you don't buy here. Recently, there have been a lot of dacoities in the neighbourhood,
along with
 snatching at gunpoint.
This
 leaves me with no choice other than to move away from
this
 place. Some families have already shifted and the new settlers are
also
 very unfriendly, which is making me more anxious day by day as I leave kids behind alone in day time. I've been on the lookout for good and secure gated societies. There are a few good possibilities which my real estate agent will be showing me by next week. Most probably I'll be going to Falcon Housing Complex on Millat Street. Some houses are still on the market. Why don't you
also
 give it a thought for
this
 neighbourhood? Let me know your decision. Love, Hudiba
Submitted by hudibaiqbal on

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coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, consider providing a clearer separation between the greeting and the main content. It can make the letter easier to read and follow.
coherence cohesion
You can enhance coherence and cohesion by using transitional phrases to better connect your ideas. This will create a smoother flow between paragraphs.
task achievement
The letter provides a complete response that addresses all bullet points: recommending not to purchase, explaining the reasons for leaving, and suggesting alternatives.
task achievement
The writing tone is suitable for a letter to a friend. It is warm and personal, which is appropriate for the context.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing are appropriately used, adding a pleasant and friendly touch to the letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • reconsider
  • unfortunate
  • incidents
  • safety concerns
  • deteriorating
  • neighborhood
  • increase in crime
  • personal experience
  • unsafe environment
  • alternatives
  • lower crime rates
  • amenities
  • community-oriented
  • recommend
What to do next:
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