IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people say that the governments should pay for health care and education but others think that this is not the government's responsibility.Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #governments #health #care #education #government #responsibility
In contemporary society, local authorities often invest heavily in various sectors, particularly public schools, kindergartens, and
health
care
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
.
While
 some argue that it is not the
government
's duty to fund these areas, I side with those who believe that providing free
health
care
 and schooling is essential. It is believed by many individuals that it can be a waste of resources to sponsor hospitals and schools.
Instead
, they think there are other important fields that should be prioritized,
while
also
 maintaining financial stability.
For instance
, investing in trade, tourism, and historical sites can bear fruit in the long term by generating revenue and reducing the tax burden on the
government
. Others believe that the state should allocate funds for all stages of education
as well as
health
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
.
This
 is because the benefits of a well-educated population and a steady supply of medicine are long-lasting.
Additionally
, the most capable, talented, and intelligent individuals who come from poor backgrounds can contribute to the economy
due to
 educational opportunities.
Furthermore
, comprehensive
health
care
 is highly prized and cannot be obtained by citizens themselves without
government
 funding.
To conclude
,
while
 some people think education and
health
care
 should not be financed by the
government
, I stand with those who are convinced that the
government
 should invest in people’s learning and their
health
 because it can impact the future prosperity of the population.
Submitted by minimix1203 on

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task achievement
While your response addresses both views and provides a clear opinion, it would benefit from more specific examples and evidence to further strengthen your arguments. Try to incorporate relevant data or statistics if possible.
coherence cohesion
Your essay flows well overall, but some transitions between ideas could be made smoother. Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the cohesion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, with a proper introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This makes it easy to follow your line of argumentation.
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both views and providing a clear opinion. The main points are comprehensive and well-articulated.
coherence cohesion
You have used well-organized paragraphs to distinguish different viewpoints, contributing to the coherence of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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