Nowadays in many countries, people are following the latest fashion, hairstyle and so on.what is influenced this? Is it a positive or a negative development.
In
modern
era, most Add an article
the modern
people
are interesting
Replace the word
interested
about
lifestyle. Change preposition
in
For example
, majority
Correct article usage
the majority
people
always follow Change preposition
of people
what
the newest Correct pronoun usage
apply
fashion
, gadget
, and Fix the agreement mistake
gadgets
hairstyle
. Fix the agreement mistake
hairstyles
Therefore
, I discuss about
why Remove the preposition
apply
people
is
influenced Change the verb form
are
it
, and l thinks that it will bring more benefit Change preposition
by it
for
Change preposition
to
economy
in the future.
Most of Add an article
the economy
an economy
community
around the world always follow trending Add an article
the community
fashion
because they have seen the fashion
their
idols from their Change preposition
of their
platfroms
like Instagram or TikTok, so they are easily following the trend. Correct your spelling
platforms
Moreover
, they also
can purchase directly what they are interesting
Replace the word
interested
for
. Change preposition
in
For instance
, my mother always knows trending cooking tools because she is very active on Instagram and she also
purchase
directly Change the verb form
purchases
form
Correct your spelling
from
instagram
.
The positive impact of Change the capitalization
Instagram
people
always up
to date about Add a missing verb
being up
fashion
is increased
Correct article usage
an increased
economy
. When the newest fashion
is trending cause
Correct word choice
apply
celebrity
promote Fix the agreement mistake
celebrities
fashion
then
the fashion
item is hunted by their fans
. It is my example, Army is a basic fans
from Anto's Change the noun form
fan
fans
. If Anto promote
Correct subject-verb agreement
promotes
a
jeans and glass, the item is trending Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
then
whole fans
want to buy it, so it become
Verb problem
has
Correct article usage
a postive
postive
impact Correct your spelling
positive
for
Change preposition
on
Add an article
the economy
economy
sector.
Replace the word
economic
To conclude
, people
are always following the trend fashion
because they are influenced by their Change preposition
of fashion
idol
from media social. Fix the agreement mistake
idols
Therefore
, it makes
Verb problem
has
positive
impact Add an article
a positive
for
Change preposition
on
Add an article
the economy
economy
sector because Replace the word
economic
people
spend their money for
purchase Change preposition
to
fashion
item
.Fix the agreement mistake
items
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical structure, which is essential for the reader to follow your argument. It's important to use clear paragraphing and to make sure each paragraph has a central idea that is expanded upon.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they need to be stronger and clearer to effectively set up and summarize the arguments made in the body of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Main points are supported, but the support could be further developed. Aim to include more detailed explanations and more varied examples to enrich the content of your essay.
Task Achievement
You have made an attempt to address the task, but your response is not entirely complete. Make sure to fully address all parts of the task, including reasons why people are influenced by fashion and technology, and discuss both negative and positive developments.
Task Achievement
Your ideas need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. Work on developing your points fully and using language that precisely conveys your meaning.
Task Achievement
Your use of examples is relevant, but they are too specific and not sufficiently elaborated. To improve, provide examples that clearly demonstrate general trends and support your arguments more convincingly.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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