The only reason for people working hard is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Admittedly, in recent times
myrad
people Correct your spelling
myriad
work
hard in order to gain money
; however
Add a comma
however,
this
is not the main reason. In this
essay
I will explain my opinion in terms of Add a comma
essay,
againts
Correct your spelling
against
this
statement.
To begin
with, many workers will work
even beyond their limit because they would to have a big salary. This
is the
acceptable reason for those who like to Correct article usage
an
work
overtime or in complicated areas. For instance
, many surveys report that 70% of employees will accept to work
in remote areas due to
the extra payment that they are gained outside the stapple
wages. If we compare to Correct your spelling
staple
stable
a
voluntary activities which ask for Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
work
in the same area, many of them will refuse it because they do not want to work
very hard in the isolated area which is very physically demanding and do not earn money
.
Obviously
Add a comma
Obviously,
money
is the factor of people who do their job but it is not the only one because some of Add an article
the worker
worker
would Fix the agreement mistake
workers
to
Change the verb form
apply
work
hard due to
they would to be an expertise
in one major. As illustrated, some Replace the word
expert
archeologist
will accept to Fix the agreement mistake
archeologists
work
in isolated area
in order to have deep evidence regarding the heritage or natural Fix the agreement mistake
areas
habit
of some species, even though they do not get extra bonuses from the Fix the agreement mistake
habits
unversity
. Correct your spelling
university
Moreover
, some of
Change preposition
apply
Add an article
the worker
worker
will Fix the agreement mistake
workers
happy
to Add a missing verb
be happy
work
very tough
Change the adjective
toughly
due to
the satisfication
of Correct your spelling
satisfaction
Add an article
the result
result
. Fix the agreement mistake
results
For example
, some of
Change preposition
apply
Add an article
the engineer
engineer
will Fix the agreement mistake
engineers
work
on holiday in order to make sure the project will finish as the
Correct article usage
apply
schedule
. They might Replace the word
scheduled
be do
not worry about the extra income but Verb problem
apply
considerable
more Change the word
considerably
in
achievement.
In conclusion, I disagree with the statement because people Change preposition
about
work
to have money
but it is not the only reason to work
hard. They would to be the expert on their work
and would to
feel happy with the results.Fix the infinitive
apply
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and logical structure. To improve, focus on creating a stronger thesis statement and ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea with supporting details. Use transitional phrases to link ideas and maintain coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be made stronger. The introduction should more clearly state your position, and the conclusion should summarily restate your main points and your stance coherently.
coherence cohesion
While you have presented main ideas in support of your position, they are not developed adequately. Include more detailed examples and explanations in your body paragraphs to support your main points.
task achievement
You have addressed the task only partially. To increase your score, ensure you provide a complete response to all parts of the prompt. Each paragraph should focus on a unique aspect of your position regarding the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement.
task achievement
Work on articulating your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Avoid vague statements and strive to express your ideas with clarity and precision, providing ample elaboration.
task achievement
The relevance and specificity of your examples are somewhat weak. Enhance the strength of your argument by providing more concrete, relevant examples that directly support your point of view.
