IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some countries achieve international sports by building specialised facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development? Discuss both views and give your opinion. You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #countries #sports #facilities #train #athletes #development
Sport is very popular nowadays and many
countries
 become more
invest
Change the form of the verb
invested
show examples
 in
this
 industry to achieve
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
worldwide competition. Many
countries
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 giving opportunities to
greatest
Correct article usage
the greatest
show examples
athletes
 unlikely
other
Change the wording
another team member
other team members
show examples
team
 member. But, there are some positive
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 and negative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 that should be aware of.
Firstly
,
athletes
 would be very proud of
being participated
Wrong verb form
participating
show examples
 in
this
 group because they gain rewards
according to
 their
hardworking
Correct word choice
hard work
show examples
. And,
tt
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 can strongly
motivated
Change the verb form
motivate
be motivated
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
team
 members and they would
like
Add the particle
like to
show examples
 try to be more successful.
Moreover
, top
athletes
 can train their skills,
technique
Fix the agreement mistake
techniques
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and trick
show examples
trick
Fix the agreement mistake
tricks
show examples
 and
trainer
Fix the agreement mistake
trainers
show examples
 can pay attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
specfic
Correct your spelling
specific
 skills
that
Correct word choice
so that
show examples
 they become more realize which part of the
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 need to improve.
Furthermore
, other
countries
 will appreciate
and
Correct pronoun usage
it and
show examples
also
 social media will advertise the news
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
everywehere
Correct your spelling
everywhere
. In that way, the
country
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
 more popular and inspired by other
countries
.
On the other hand
, the other people on the
team
 could feel
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
unfair or unequal and they become doubtful
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their skill. Mainly, there would be financial problems because they invest half of their
sources
Correct your spelling
resources
show examples
 on the top member and it is for the
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
 investment.
In addition
, it can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other usages like
sport uniform
Fix the agreement mistake
sports uniforms
show examples
,
team
 building and annual come etc. So,
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
 should consider that facts can impact
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other areas as mentioned
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
above.
Overall
, as a local people in
this
country
, it would be
glad
Correct word choice
great
show examples
 if the
country
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 enough
resoures
Correct your spelling
resources
 to support the top
athletes
 because they will bring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
huge
successful
Replace the word
success
show examples
 in future. And
also
, there are some negative points that need to be
take
Wrong verb form
taken
show examples
 care of to be balanced for the
country
.
Submitted by cupidzunzun on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a basic structure but lacks a clear and consistent progression of ideas. To improve coherence and cohesion, you should clearly outline your arguments in the introduction, structure your body paragraphs with clear topic sentences, and maintain a logical flow throughout your essay. Make sure your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument without introducing new ideas.
task achievement
Your essay attempts to address the task, but it does not fully develop a balanced argument discussing both views and giving your opinion. To achieve a higher score in task achievement, ensure you discuss both sides of the argument fully, provide specific examples to support your points, and clearly state your opinion either in the introduction or conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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