IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In contemporary society, cooperation are foundation of working in the future as
such
Linking Words
 many schools find that the best approach to teaching children to work together is playing team
sports
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as football, basketball, and volleyball.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both sides of the controversial issue, and my opinion will be provided.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, advocates of
this
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 proposition believe that learning how to play with a team is the best way to educate kids to cooperate.
It is clear that
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 joining activity play an important role in improving their skill
such
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 as how to plan games, solve unpredictable situation, and most significant how to play
together with
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 teammates.
Moreover
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, when they enjoy
sports
Use synonyms
, it
also
Linking Words
 can release stress or pressures, which increase the operation of their brain,
for
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this
Linking Words
 reason, it brings about advantages when they join
sports
Use synonyms
 clubs and
also
Linking Words
 assists with their ability to cooperate.
On the other hand
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, despite many benefits, there are a number of negative aspects that cannot be ignored why the institutions not allow their youngsters to play
such
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 as esports, which are online games?
In other words
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, the fact that games can help their capacity,
however
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, if they pay attention to them too much, it can cause a disadvantage for them
such
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 as a decrease in their score and lack of knowledge.
As a result
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, it can lead to a drawback in education In conclusion, playing
sports
Use synonyms
 that are a team can improve a number of their ability
such
Linking Words
 as cooperation. In my view, they should manage their time
while
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 retaining their study.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear introduction, clear development, and an appropriate conclusion. The introduction should set up the topic and the writer's view clearly. The conclusion should summarize the main points and re-iterate the writer's view.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of linking words and phrases to help with the flow of the essay. Avoid repeating the same linking words, and ensure that they are used in a way that reflects the relationships between your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Develop paragraphs well by starting with clear topic sentences and following them through with explanations and examples. Toward the end of your essay, avoid introducing new ideas or arguments.
task achievement
Ensure that the main ideas in your essay address the task directly. Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement given and offer a clear position throughout the response.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and developed examples to support your arguments. Examples should be specific, relevant, and help to illustrate the point you are making.
task achievement
Review your essay to avoid grammatical errors and awkward phrases that could make the text difficult to understand. Ensure the use of correct sentence structure and vocabulary.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • values
  • applied
  • aspects
  • belonging
  • camaraderie
  • participating
  • essential
  • social skills
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