IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The tendency of news media to focus on problems and emergencies rather than positive developments is harmful for individuals and the society. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#tendency #news #media #focus #emergencies #developments #individuals #society
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Presently,
news
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 media are more tend to work on crises rather than positive aspects. Some
people
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 argue, that it can have some disadvantages for communities. I strongly disagree with
this
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 statement, and
this
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 essay will argue that the tendency of broadcast problems is more beneficial for
people
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's awareness and their preparation,
besides
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 it can develop their trade.
To begin
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 with, when
news
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 media provide alerts for folk, they can be more ready for emergency situations which could help them to cope with difficult situations with more preparedness.
For instance
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, when they get information about rebellion and civil war they can predict future problems,
such
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 as financial increases and impending disasters.
For example
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 in any war we can see the prices of everything,
such
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 as food, clothes and houses are extremely enhanced.
In addition
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, in times of trouble, it is significantly hard for crowds to find a house for themselves.
Moreover
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, as they increase their information, they can have more ability to protect themselves and their family in public.
Additionally
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, with increasing knowledge, mankind is able to communicate better and interact with other countries, which assists them in developing their work.
while
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 they improve their businesses, they can earn more income. The higher the salary they can receive, the higher the economic system they can have, which can give a strong aid for their communication.
For example
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, many companies
such
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 as Amazon, predict the needs of underprivileged countries and try to meet their requirement with some offers on the cost of products. Despite the above reasons, bad
news
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 could able to mental problems for residents, especially elderly folk and children, who have less ability to care for themselves.
Nevertheless
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, the benefits of
news
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 are more the drawbacks,
due to
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 the better quality of businesses. In conclusion,
news
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 media could have more advantages for the
people
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 who live in a country, as they can increase their awareness and improve their business skills. Not only does it help companies, but
also
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 it gets more information to
people
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.
Submitted by pooya.olad on

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure every paragraph has a clear central idea and is well-connected to the main argument. Avoid repeating similar points, and ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next.
task achievement
Try to extend your points with more specific and varied examples to strengthen your arguments. Ensure all ideas are thoroughly elaborated to demonstrate deeper insight.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy for the reader to understand your main argument.
task achievement
You have included specific examples to support your points, which helps illustrate your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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