Some people think that the main purpose of school is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is a belief that school aims to make children become ethical residents and labourers
while
others assert that youngsters should be benefited as individuals. Personally, this
writer totally disagrees with this
statement and will explain it in the following sections.
It must be understood that it is the behavior, not performance that plays a vital role in social development. In fact, a good employee consists of generosity, responsibility, dedication as well as
other moral aspects. Practically, having a well-behaved character encourages workers to alleviate conflicts in the workplace and promotes a sense of solidarity. Consequently
, enterprises that own good citizens in their workforce should witness an increase in profit along with
employees’ productivity. In the long term, this
strategy plays a crucial role in maintaining social sustainability as well as
economic growth.
Another factor which contributes to this
writer’s disagreement is the former aim of schools to aid students to achieve kindness and dedication. To explain, if educators benefit children as individuals, there is no doubt that they will not focus on developing national well-being owing to their demand in personal appetites. According to
this
trend, obviously, these labourers will choose to work for themselves rather than communities. As a result
, workplaces which contain this
kind of workers often experience a lack of unity and coordination. Take Vietnam as an example, where roughly 70% of international school pupils who undergo a wide range of great education usually struggle with inconvenience regarding teamwork tasks in later careers due to
various conflicts that they trigger.
To conclude
, transforming a child into a kind citizen must be considered the utmost priority of education. Hence
, this
essay has outlined the reasons for this
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task achievement
Ensure that each point in your essay is fully developed and supported with relevant examples and explanations. For instance, the example of Vietnam could be expanded further to clearly illustrate the point being made.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your arguments. Some points could be connected more smoothly to enhance overall readability. For example, the transition between discussing the importance of moral aspects and their impact on the workplace could be more cohesive.
task achievement
Try to avoid vague statements and ensure clarity in your arguments. For instance, phrases like "a wide range of great education" might benefit from more precise wording to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help in framing the overall argument effectively.
task achievement
The main points are relevant to the task and address both parts of the question.
coherence cohesion
The writer demonstrates a good command of language and uses a variety of sentence structures.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?