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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.
#shops #country
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The line graph illustrates detailed information about the proportion of markets which were closed and the shops which opened
instead
Linking Words
 of old ones in a particular country in the years
of
Change preposition
apply
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2011 and 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
,what stands out from the graph is that both
closures
Use synonyms
 and
openings
Use synonyms
 fluctuated over the given
period
Use synonyms
.The amount of
openings
Use synonyms
 accounted for the highest rate at the beginning of the
period
Use synonyms
 covered.Another notable point is that the proportion of
closures
Use synonyms
 was lowest in 2011,
however
Linking Words
,it increased
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
. Looking at the details,in 2015,the number of
closures
Use synonyms
 accounted for around 6500.
Likewise
Linking Words
,these numbers rose dramatically until 2014.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,it declined significantly to about 1500 in 2015.In the next year,the number of
closures
Use synonyms
 rocketed up to roughly 5100 and it fluctuated until the end of the
period
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 data accounted for
sharp
Correct article usage
a sharp
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 5000 in 2018.
Conversely
Linking Words
,the proportion of shops that opened was high at the beginning at around 8500.
However
Linking Words
,
this
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 data plummeted to around 4000 in 2012.After these decreases,
openings
Use synonyms
 increased and in 2014,
this
Linking Words
 figure was similar with
closures
Use synonyms
 at roughly 6000.Another interesting point is that it plunged to 4000 and it only dramatically rose until 2017.The number of
openings
Use synonyms
 was similar in the years of 2015,2016 and 2017.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 data
also
Linking Words
 slightly declined to 3000 in 2018.
Submitted by yoqubjonovjamshidbek23 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "furthermore, however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words closures, openings, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend
  • fluctuation
  • peak
  • decline
  • surge
  • stabilize
  • correlation
  • economic conditions
  • consumer behavior
  • technological advancements
  • urban development
  • employment
  • retail sector
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