IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Animal testing has always been controversial issue. Some people believe that governments should ban these practices completely. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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For two or three centuries, lab technicians have been discovering
cure
Use synonyms
 of fatal illnesses by experimenting on animal species. Since
then
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, the controversial issue has been widely debated among human beings; some believe that it is an inhuman act. I partially agree with
this
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 notion. In the following paragraphs, I will present my point of view.
To begin
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 with, some people think it is a heartless behaviour to treat animals for
such
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 tasks , which is considered unethical and deserves a ban. They
also
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 experience pain, as they are
also
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 human beings like us. In the past, significant numbers of different wildlife have lost their lives, and some of them have been left disabled.
For example
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, in 2019, analyst did experiments on a huge number of monkeys to find out the
cure
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 for the deadly disease of COVID-19; for
this
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 purpose, many of them lost their life and some of them became disabled.
Although
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 there are several ways to
cure
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 diseases, the technology is improving at the blink of an eye. In many countries, scientists are experimenting on blood samples, with the help of robots and advanced machinery.
This
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 way, governments can prevent wildlife to sacrifice for human benefit.
Such
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 as, a famous scientist wrote in his thesis that his team is experimenting on blood samples of different species to find a
cure
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 for life_threatening illness.
Consequently
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, a significant number of animals can be protected from the barbaric behaviour of researchers.
To conclude
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, I agree that performing experiments on human beings, it can be possible to find different ways to
cure
Use synonyms
 deadly diseases. It can be accomplished by advanced robotics combined with collecting blood samples from wildlife.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start. You say you partly agree, but later your end is not fully clear.
task response
Answer the question more directly in each body part. Show why you agree only in part, not just why animal testing is bad.
task response
Use examples that are more exact and easy to trust. Some examples now feel too general or not fully explained.
coherence and cohesion
Put your ideas in a more clear order. Some parts move too fast and are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, and as a result. This will help the essay flow better.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph have one main idea, then add support for that idea.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a conclusion.
task response
You try to give examples to support your ideas.
task response
Your essay stays on the topic of animal testing all the way.
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