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Writing Samples
Band 5

Students should not be allowed to use any technology in class till an appropriate age. To what extent do you agree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Currently, there is a long-standing debate on
a
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the
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 topic of
Use synonyms
technologies
Change the noun form
technology
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 usage in a class. One section of society,
included
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including
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 myself, holds the view that children are permitted to use electronic
devices
Use synonyms
 during the learning process,
however
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, others believe that digital
devices
Use synonyms
 should be banned in a class.
This
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 essay will discuss why
technologies
Use synonyms
 may have a beneficial impact on education.
Firstly
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, the quality of education may be significantly increased by using electronic
devices
Use synonyms
. Lessons become more interactive and interesting when tutors allow students
toexploit
Correct your spelling
to exploit
exploit
 technological
devices
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,
this
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 leads to
better
Add an article
a better
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 understanding of the theme
among
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apply
show examples
.
For instance
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, recent research conducted by
University
Correct article usage
the University
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 of Toronto provided data about the efficiency of
technologies
Use synonyms
 in
learning
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the learning
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 process. Research conducted two classes with
a
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the
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 same level of progress,
however
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,
teacher
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a teacher
the teacher
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 in the first class used Kahoot (
online
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an online
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 game-based platform ) to explain the new material, whilst the next teacher
confucted
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conducted
 a lesson in
traditional
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the traditional
a traditional
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 way. Results were extremely surprising; 79% of students who played Kahoot understood the topic
while
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 only 43% of people who did not use their
devices
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.
On the other hand
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, it is usually said that phones and other digital
devices
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 can serve as great distractors.
Although
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above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
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 view can be partially true, the control of students by teachers can avert young individuals’ redirection of attention.
For example
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, using
a specialized programs
Correct the article-noun agreement
a specialized program
specialized programs
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such
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 as Zerwup or Jruhat provides
ability
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the ability
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 to monitor students’ actions.
Additionally
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,
by
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apply
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downloading
such
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 kind of programs gives opportunities to work and teach
in
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on
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 a student’s computer. In conclusion, despite the fact that some people believe that
technologies
Use synonyms
 should not be used in
educational
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the educational
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 field, I support the view that exploiting
newest
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the newest
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 advancements
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 technics can improve the quality of education and it should be highly encouraged.

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introduction conclusion present
A clear introduction and conclusion are present but could be further strengthened. The introduction could benefit from a more nuanced thesis statement, and the conclusion should succinctly summarize the key points without introducing new information.
supported main points
Ensure that main points are fully developed and supported by more extensive reasoning or evidence to persuade the reader. Be cautious of making claims without sufficient backup.
logical structure
The logical structure of the essay is noticeable, but the flow can be improved with the use of more varied connectives and transitions, and by ensuring that each paragraph clearly links to the overall argument of the essay.
complete response
The response addresses the task with a clear opinion provided. Endeavor to maintain focus on the prompt throughout the essay and refrain from veering into tangential topics.
clear comprehensive ideas
Consider elaborating on the ideas with more in-depth analysis to fully flesh out the discussion. The presentation of ideas could be more comprehensive with deeper insight into the implications or opposing viewpoints.
relevant specific examples
The inclusion of specific examples is commendable and vital in supporting points made. Try to integrate these examples more seamlessly into the argument by explaining their significance and how they specifically support the argument made.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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