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Band 3

Nowadays, people believe that governments should invest tax-payer’s money in healthcare, others believe that money should be use in other areas. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

#people #governments #tax-payer’s #money #healthcare #areas #points
Today's individuals deem that
authorities
 ought to invest
tax
-payers
money
 in healthcare
while
others
 reckon that
money
 should be
use
Change the form of the verb
used
show examples
 in other areas. I will
hashout
Correct your spelling
hash out
 both the perspective
along
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
opinion which I will
hashout
Correct your spelling
hash out
shout
 in the subsequent paragraphs . On the one hand, there are several merits of
authorities
 should give
tax payers
Correct your spelling
taxpayers
show examples
money
 in healthcare because nowadays illness and diseases are rising and expensive treatment which prone to death because some individual not financially
storng
Correct your spelling
strong
 and they don't take good treatment
due to
 their lack of
money
.
However
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should invest their
tax
 on only important
parts
 so
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
government
 should
invent
Correct your spelling
invest
show examples
 their
money
 on
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
parts
. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should invest
tax
 payers
money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
parts
such
 as multifarious dwellers suffer from hunger and without homes so
authorities
Correct article usage
the authorities
show examples
 should spend
money
 on those
parts
.
Correct your spelling
For
for example
, in Spain, where
government
 takes responsibility
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 those people who live in
street
Correct article usage
the street
show examples
 ares and suffer in many situations.
As a
consequence
Add a comma
consequence,
show examples
 they feel comfortable if the
government
 spend
money
 on their problems
such
 as their homes and hunger. In conclusion, there are several merits of
authorities
 should spend
money
 on health care
instead
 of
others
 but not
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
neglected merits of
government
 ought to
should
Verb problem
apply
show examples
spend
tax
 on other
parts
such
 as
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 suffer
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 hunger .In my opinion, the latter is more than the former.
Submitted by komalpreet4194 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. It should begin with an introduction, follow with body paragraphs each dedicated to a single point of view, and conclude with a coherent conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion should clearly state the topic and your overall opinion. Remember to write a more detailed conclusion that reflects upon the points discussed in the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support each main point with clear, relevant examples and explanations. Avoid general statements that do not offer concrete evidence or reasoning.
Task Achievement
Respond completely to all parts of the task prompt. Address each point of view, providing a balanced discussion before giving your own opinion.
Task Achievement
Ideas should be clear and well-developed throughout the essay. Avoid vague statements and ensure each paragraph elaborates on a single idea effectively.
Task Achievement
Include specific, relevant examples to support your points. General or unrelated examples may not adequately demonstrate an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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