The charts show how tourism to two countries changed over a 50-year period.  Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts show how tourism to two countries changed over a 50-year period. 

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The pie chart indicates the
transfromation
Correct your spelling
transformation
of
tourism
in terms of two countries -
Australia
and
Germany
- from 1960 to 2010.
Overall
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourists
from Europe took up the largest segment in
Australia
in 1960.
Similarly
, in
Germany
, the
vistors
Correct your spelling
visitors
from Europe
also
accounted for the largest
part
in 1960.
Surpricely
Correct your spelling
Surprise
, over a 50-year period, it can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
witnessed a dramatic change in
Australia
, the
tourists
from Asia
accouted
Correct your spelling
accounted
account
for 63%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
tourism
stucture
Correct your spelling
structure
.
In contrast
, in
Germany
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourists
From Europe still took up the largest segment in 2010. At the same time,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
visitors
from Britain became the
most small
Change the adjective
smallest
show examples
part
of
tourism
,
accouted
Correct your spelling
accounted
for 6%. Over the 50-year period, it experienced a significant change in
Australia
. The Asian
tourists
climbed by 53%.
In contrast
, the European
visitors
drop
Wrong verb form
dropped
show examples
by 43%. Meanwhile, the
tourists
Correct quantifier usage
number of tourists
show examples
from the USA decreased, from 12% to 1%,
became
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
the
most small
Change the adjective
smallest
show examples
segment in
Australia
Correct your spelling
Australian
show examples
trourism
Correct your spelling
tourism
.
Conversely
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourism
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Germany
did not change dramatically, the European
visitors
still represented the largest
part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
Gemany's
Correct your spelling
Germany's
tourism
, it just decreased by 5%, between 1960 and 2010.
However
, the
visitors
Correct quantifier usage
number of visitors
show examples
from Britain dipped to 6%, it became the
most small
Change the adjective
smallest
show examples
part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
Germany
's
tourism
, over a 50-year period.
Submitted by Nini on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
Vocabulary: Replace the words tourism, australia, germany, tourists, part, visitors with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "dramatic" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!