IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that free social service should be made compulsory for high school students. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #service #school #students
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Many people think that free social
services
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such
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 as transportation and Wi-Fi are necessary. I strongly agree with
this
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, as it is an important issue that can help improve the public's quality of life, especially for high
school
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students
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.
This
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 essay will discuss several reasons that will back up
this
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 opinion. Free
access
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 to these
services
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 can help more children pursue higher education. As is now seen, the high cost of education restricts many parents from sending their children to high
school
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. Expensive textbook prices and transport fares are two examples. These factors can be overcome by giving free
access
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 to the library and public transport. Free
access
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 to these
services
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 will significantly reduce the price needed to be paid by parents.
Therefore
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,
this
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 can lead to more parents enrolling their children in high
school
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.
Moreover
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, making other
services
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 like Wi-Fi available for free will help
students
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 as well. Some
students
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 might not have
access
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 to the internet,
this
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 factor limits their ability to perform well at
school
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. Giving free Wi-Fi can contribute to their performance at
school
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 as they now have the resources to help them finish their
school
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 assignments.
In addition
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, the internet helps
students
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 do research and increase their knowledge. In conclusion, I believe that it is mandatory for the government to provide free social
services
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 for high
school
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students
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. As a start, several public
services
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 can be made available for free.
Furthermore
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, the government can take small steps until all social
services
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 are free for high
school
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students
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.
Submitted by polash.kahari on

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task achievement
While the essay attempts to address the prompt, it appears to have misinterpreted the phrase 'free social service' to mean 'services offered at no cost,' such as transportation and Wi-Fi. The prompt actually refers to mandatory volunteer or community service, not state-provided services. Ensure that your response is based on a precise understanding of the given prompt, sticking closely to what is asked.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a recognizable structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the information does not flow logically from one point to the next, and transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be improved. Focus on creating stronger topic sentences that clearly connect to your main argument and use transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your essay.
task achievement
You provided some general reasons for why free services might be beneficial but did not include specific examples that are directly tied to the initial statement about mandatory social service. To strengthen your argument, integrate specific, detailed examples that directly support your viewpoint on the compulsory nature of social service.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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