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Band 4

In many countries, international tourism has become an important source of income. However, it also has negative effects. Do the benefits of international tourism outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

#countries #tourism #source #income #effects #minutes
Tourism
 is becoming popular day by day whole over the world. There are many countries like Maldives,
Srilanka
Correct your spelling
Sri Lanka
show examples
, Indonesia, and Italy
are
Correct pronoun usage
that are
show examples
 largely dependent on the
tourism
 economy. It is an ongoing debate that international
tourism
 may provide benefits to the national economy but it
also
 negatively affects its socio-economic situation.
However
, I believe that
tourism
 has a more positive impact that takes over the downsides. In the following writings, I will describe the rationale behind my opinion.
To begin
 with the positive sides,
due to
 international
tourism
,
people
 need to go through immigration administrative procedures,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 generates a large amount of revenue for the national GDP.
Moreover
, it increases the employment opportunities in the immigration sector to handle the large number of foreigners that
are intending
Wrong verb form
intend
show examples
 to visit the respective
country
.
Secondly
, when foreigners come to spend some leisure time, they spend liquid money that helps to boost
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
 economy.
Additionally
,
this
 creates business opportunities for local
people
. In turn, it reduces the unemployment of the local
people
.
Thirdly
, international
tourism
 prompts the government to protect the local heritage and tourist places, which improves a
country
's profile and raises
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recognition worldwide.
For example
, Indonesia is not a
country
 that the world recognizes as a good
country
, but
people
 know it
due to
 Bali which is a famous place for
tourism
.
More
Add an article
The more
show examples
 positive side to add
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 international
tourism
 helps improve culture by sharing local culture with the international community.
Nevertheless
, there are some negative sides like, it may affect national security which reduces the reputation of law enforcement agencies. There are some reports
like
Change preposition
that
show examples
 allowing more
people
 to visit a place affects the local heritage and environment.
To sum up
, even though there are negative sides with respect to the
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 that a
country
 achieves
due to
 international
tourism
 is ignorable. If the government can take proper steps to control the downsides, international
tourism
 will tremendously benefit a
country
.
Submitted by mazidsau on

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task achievement
The essay shows an attempt to answer the question, but the response is limited and the main ideas have to be further extended and developed. It's essential to provide a balanced discussion of both the benefits and disadvantages of international tourism, and ensure that explanations are clear and expanded upon.
coherence cohesion
Coherence is achieved to some extent, but greater logical structure can be accomplished by improving transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring that paragraphs clearly support main topic sentences will enhance the cohesion of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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