More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries
In the modern era, developed nations are dealing with the critical conditions of the children who are getting more and more fat because of not eating precisely and in
this
essay I will intend to give detailed information regarding the reasons for overweighting and the impacts of this
on the kids
with the example.
Many facts are associated with the phenomenon of gaining weight
. the main dominant reason behind this
is the unhealthy lifestyle and junk food. Today kids
just like to use electronic gadgets for playing and entertainment purposes because of that they are not participating in any kind of outdoor activities, in other words
, they are becoming couch potatoes. Adding to it, it has been observed that 65% of kids
are not interested in playing outside and waking up after coming from school which helps them to get more weight
because they are not doing any activities during the day. Another factor is the development of junk food and the unlimited resources of getting it. Children are fascinated by the outside fast food items that increase their weight
because they contain only carbohydrates.
Moving further
, there have been tons of consequences of becoming overweight for children. At an early age, they face high health risks because of extra weight
that impacts badly on their health as well as
their mental ability. Firstly
, high blood pressure, obesity, and many more serious problems. It gives them depression as well because when other kids
tease them because of their weight
they feel hesitated
about their appearance.
Replace the word
hesitant
To conclude
, overweighting increasing because of the ultimate changes in lifestyle and it creates health-related problems which give them a hard time in future.,Submitted by preetgurichahal11 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a coherent structure, with ideas sometimes appearing in a haphazard way. To enhance coherence, ensure each paragraph adheres to a single main idea which is clearly introduced and concluded.
coherence cohesion
The introduction does not sufficiently outline the key points that will be discussed, and the conclusion is weak. Both should be clear, concise, and reflect the main arguments of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Main points need to be better developed with more detailed support. Use specific examples, data, or cases to strengthen arguments and make them more persuasive.
task achievement
The response does address the prompt, but it does not fully develop all aspects of the question. Make sure to address all parts of the task and provide a thorough explanation of the issues, along with appropriate solutions where relevant.
task achievement
The ideas presented are somewhat clear, but they need to be articulated more comprehensively. Work on linking ideas smoothly and ensuring the reader can easily follow your argumentation.
task achievement
Examples used are relevant, but they lack specificity and depth. Include precise examples to illustrate your points and provide a stronger argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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