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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that the increasing use of computer and mobile phones nowadays has unwanted effects on the young people reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #computer #phones #effects #skills
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It is often argued that technological inventions
such
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 as the computer and smartphone have significant impacts on children's intellectual
skills
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such
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 as reading and writing.
This
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 essay agrees with
this
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 statement because
such
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 devices affect the development of
students
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' linguistic
skills
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 and memory abilities.
This
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 essay will discuss my opinion in detail with relevant examples.
To begin
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 with, reading is considered one of the most important
skills
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 required for kids' language development.
That is
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 to say that, reading books promotes language learning in the form of a richer vocabulary, correct grammar, and more articulate oral communication.
However
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, electronic machines and mobile phones have the feature of audio which can play the audio of the textbook.
Such
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 convenience prevented them from reading paper books because they had to put more effort into reading difficult words with the right pronunciation.
For instance
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, a recent study shows that an average of 60% of
students
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 in India depend on pronunciation apps because of their low
skills
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 in reading.
Additionally
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, computers influence
students
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 to type using keyboards predominantly which has a negative impact on their writing
skills
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.
In other words
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, most educational institutions are adapted to machine learning,
therefore
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,
students
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 have lost their ability to write information by hand.
Moreover
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, writing by hand improves the mental coordination between the mind and the body and helps them to retain information much better than typing.
For example
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, it is evident that these days children often search in Google to know the spelling of difficult words as they rely on the auto spell check feature. In conclusion, It is believed that devices
such
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 as machines and mobiles have a negative impact on teenagers learning expertise. I agree because it is evident that they rely on automated programs on those devices for spell check and audio play of the textbook which impairs their language development and memory function.
Submitted by jeeanay on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic that is developed with specific supporting details. While your essay presents relevant points, strive to elaborate more on each argument with further explanations or a wider range of examples for better clarity and task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay generally presents ideas in a logical structure. However, some sentences could be more concise and transitions between ideas could be smoother. Improve coherence by linking ideas more closely and using a range of cohesive devices effectively.
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