The graph and table below show the average monthly temperatures and the average numbers of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities.
This
graph indicates the average monthly temperature in three metropolises which are London, New York, and Sydney. Moreover
, the given table illustrates total
Correct article usage
the total
hours
that the weather is sunny in mentioned
major cities.
It is clearly evident that Sydney is a warm area Correct article usage
the mentioned
in
January until March with 25 Change preposition
from
degree
, but it gets colder month by month till July when the temporature
reach Correct your spelling
temperature
temperatures
to
15. Meanwhile, Change preposition
apply
this
number slightly increase
in the next months and Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
finally
, turn
back to its previous ratio which is 25.
Correct subject-verb agreement
turns
Further
, while
London is chilly
Add an article
a chilly
city
in January, it becomes warmer until July with approximately 24 degree
. Change to a plural noun
degrees
This
number falls significantly again and turns back to nine degree
in December. What's more, Change to a plural noun
degrees
however
NY is an icy region in the christmas, but it becomes by far the hottest Add the comma(s)
however,
city
in July and reaches a peak at 30 degree
. Change to a plural noun
degrees
Suprisingly
, Correct your spelling
Surprisingly
this
amount significantly decreases during the upcoming months and becomes the most freezing city
in the last
month of the year with merely five degree
. Change to a plural noun
degrees
Last
but not least, the annual glint of sunshine in NY is more than other
cities with 2,535 Change preposition
in other
hours
. Although
, Syndey with a marginal difference is in the second grade with 2,473 hours
, but
it has about 2000 Remove the conjunction
apply
hours
more sunshine than London with just 1180.
Overall
, it is crystal clear that Sydney is the hottest city
with a high range of sunrise. Additinally
, NY in spite of long Correct your spelling
Additionally
hours
of sunshine, is the coldest city
in
the beginning and end of the year.Change preposition
at
Submitted by tg.persian on
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, degree, city with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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