in some cultures children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. what are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
In most
part
of the world children constantly have been told about Fix the agreement mistake
parts
importance
of working hard to get what they want. Add an article
the importance
This
will come with its pros and cons on their mental health. In the following paragraphs
we will discuss Add a comma
paragraphs,
about
it more.
On one hand, Remove the preposition
apply
This
might set positive
mindset in order to believe in themselves, so they will try hard to achieve the promised future. Correct article usage
a positive
Moreover
, they will make a determined effort and resiste
on what they Correct your spelling
resist
persue
Correct your spelling
pursue
untill
they have it in their hands. Correct your spelling
until
Thus
it will promotes
a growth mindset.
Change the verb form
promote
On the other hand
, there are a number of negative impacts on their lives. Firstly
, it may creats
unrealistic expectations that could lead to disappointments or feeling Correct your spelling
create
creates
failure
if goals Add an article
a failure
are not achieves
. Change the verb form
are not achieved
Secondly
, this
might discourage children from seeking support or help when facing challenges. Lastly
, they overlook individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
diffrences
in abilities and capabilities.
Correct your spelling
differences
To sum up
, there are several downsides despite the positive side. In my opinion, it is beneficial to remind them which
they will harvest what they saw, but not in a strict and intense way to make them feel disappointed about Correct word choice
that
themselevs
and their Correct your spelling
themselves
hardwork
.Correct your spelling
hard work
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coherence cohesion
Your essay contained an introduction and conclusion, which is good. However, both could be improved by offering clearer thesis statements and summarizing main ideas more effectively. It is important to make sure the introduction sets the stage for what is to follow, and the conclusion ties everything neatly together.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows a logical structure with individual paragraphs, but the transitions between ideas could be stronger. Consider using more varied and nuanced linking words to guide the reader more smoothly from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Your main points were relevant to the topic, but they could be better supported by specific examples and explanations. Whenever you make a statement, think about how you can illustrate it with a clear, relevant example or deeper analysis.
task achievement
You addressed the task and presented both advantages and disadvantages, but the response needs to be more complete. It would benefit from a more detailed exploration of both sides, including a clear and balanced discussion of implications for both points of view.
task achievement
Ideas were presented and were on topic, yet, at times, the ideas lacked depth and comprehensive development. Work on expanding your ideas with more detailed explanations and insights into how they relate to the prompt and to each other.
task achievement
Specific examples were limited; thus, your arguments were not as persuasive as they could be. Better responses typically include a range of examples or anecdotes that help elucidate the main points and add authenticity to the arguments made.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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