IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

More and more people no longer read newspapers. They get news about the world through the Internet. Do you think it is a negative or positive development?

#people #newspapers #news #world #internet #development
Nowadays, because of the breakthrough in technology
people
 around the world tend to read
news
 from the
internet
 rather than
newspapers
. I think
this
 is a positive development for human beings. In
this
 essay, I will outline several benefits of getting
news
 from the
Internet
 rather than
newspapers
. There are many advantages for
people
 who prefer to read
news
 from the
Internet
 than
newspapers
.
First,
people
 could get a piece of up-to-date
news
 because only having an
internet
 connection
people
 can access
news
 from the
Internet
 at that time so they should not wait as long as newspaper.
Second,
using the
Internet
 as a medium for getting
news
 helps the government to reduce paper use
thus
this
 activity can prevent deforestation.
Third,
people
 have the opportunity to choose the
news
 that they want to read because on the
Internet
 there is tremendous
news
 from different websites so
people
 have many preferences for deciding the
news
 that they are interested in.
Moreover
, reading the
news
 from the
Internet
 is cheaper than buying the newspaper.
On the other hand
,
newspapers
also
 have several benefits. One of the main benefits provided by
newspapers
 is not to irritate the eyes
while
 e-
news
 could cause detrimental effects on the eyes.
However
, researchers, today, have conducted research and found advanced material to make screens more convenient for the eyes.
Moreover
,
people
 can adjust lighting from the screen preventing bad effects from screen radiation.
Therefore
, reading the
news
 on the
Internet
 still has a better impact on readers because
people
 can read the
news
 whenever they want.
Also
, the use of
newspapers
 in
this
 digital age is obsolete.
To sum up
,
although
newspapers
 have become an integral part of human life in the past, the use of the
Internet
 now is more beneficial in many aspects not only for getting
news
 but
also
 for avoiding devastating impacts on the environment.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
Your essay sufficiently addresses the prompt, providing clear arguments for why getting news from the Internet is a positive development. However, to enhance your Task Achievement score further, you should aim to cover all parts of the question more evenly by discussing both sides of the argument with equal depth and providing a wider range of ideas and examples.
coherence cohesion
Regarding Coherence and Cohesion, your essay utilizes a logical sequence of ideas with clear topic sentences. Yet, the transitions between ideas could be smoother and more varied. Also, consider using a broader range of cohesive devices to link ideas across paragraphs and within them.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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