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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below give information on the ages of the population of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projecyions for 2050.

The charts below give information on the ages of the population of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projecyions for 2050.
#information #ages #population #yemen #projecyions
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The pie chart illustrates information about the different ages of inhabitants of
Yemen
Use synonyms
 and Italy in 2000 and 2050. All
two
Correct your spelling
two-year
show examples
years
Use synonyms
 residents who have 0-14
years
Use synonyms
 in
Yemen
Use synonyms
 are above
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
30 %. In
Italy
Add a comma
Italy,
show examples
pie
Fix the agreement mistake
pies
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 of younger populations are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
biggest
Replace the word
bigger
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 than other pies.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 older populations are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
less than other residents in
Yemen
Use synonyms
, which shows under
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
10% in
pie
Add an article
a pie
the pie
show examples
 chart. The younger people show quite changes between the two
years
Use synonyms
, which increased around 11 %. There are quite a few differences among the countries in order of younger population in 2000.
While
Linking Words
older
Add an article
the older
show examples
 generation is the
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 people that survive in
Yemen
Use synonyms
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 these humans
are
Verb problem
will
show examples
 live longer in Italy in 2050. But
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
 generation will not change a lot, 15-50
years
Use synonyms
 old residents’ percentage will
nearly
Add a missing verb
be nearly
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fifty after 50
years
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
youthful
Correct word choice
young
show examples
 people
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
 proportion in different countries.
Submitted by qumrurustem on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "it is clear that".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words yemen, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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