IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some claim that children are more aware of environmental issues than older adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued, that young ones are more aware of environmental problems compared to elders.
This
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 essay completely agrees with the above statement, because the
subject
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 of environmental sciences is a mandatory
subject
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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to learn in schools, and governments across the globe have invested a lot of money in campaigns to highlight the issues like climate change, and global warming through
media
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. Schooling facilities across the world have made it compulsory for all students to study the
subject
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 matter of
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environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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.
That is
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 to say, that now one cannot pass school without knowing the importance of our
environment
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, and how important it is to preserve the natural ecosystem of the earth. Before
this
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subject
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 was optional.
For example
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, up until the year 2019, the discipline of
environment
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 was an optional part of the academic curriculum.
However
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, from the year 2020, the UAE government has made it a mandatory part of the academic curriculum, so as to spread awareness about issues like air,water and sound pollution. Children are more connected to
media
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 than older adults.
Media
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 campaigns like advertisements on popular TV channels, social
media
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 accounts, and famous personalities have spread awareness about preserving the natural habitat of human beings.
This
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 explains why our young generation is more aware of environmental issues than older adults.
For example
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, the UAE federal government has increased the budget allocated to the Ministry of
Environment
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 by 5% from the year 2019.
To conclude
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, Children have more awareness about the importance of the natural ecosystem than older people because of school education, and increased
environment
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 protection campaigns from governments on different
media
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 platforms.

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introduction conclusion present
You need to ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and your thesis statement. The absence of a defined thesis statement weakens the essay's introduction. A conclusion must recap the key points and restate your viewpoint. However, the last paragraph in your essay, while attempting to summarize your points, doesn't rephrase and reassert your position clearly and distinctly.
logical structure
While you have the basics of a logical structure, the flow can be improved by enhancing the transitions between paragraphs and sentences. Your essay could benefit from a more varied range of cohesive devices, such as synonyms and referencing words, to guide the reader smoothly through the argument.
supported main points
The main points are somewhat supported, but offering a broader range of explanations and ensuring that your examples are more detailed would strengthen your argument. To increase the score, strive for more depth in examples, providing statistics, studies, or real-life events that clearly link to the topic.
complete response
It's good that the essay addresses the topic prompt, but ensuring you cover all parts of the question in sufficient detail is important. Be sure to directly answer the question posed and fully develop your argument on why you agree or disagree that children are more aware of environmental issues than older adults.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ideas are presented, but to achieve increased clarity and comprehensiveness, ensure that each paragraph contains a single idea that is fully developed. Reduce ambiguity by defining terms and giving more explicit connections to the topic. Your essay should leave no doubts or questions about your argument.
relevant specific examples
While you provided examples, they can be more relevant and specific. Rather than mentioning general government actions, cite particular campaigns or studies which children may have been exposed to that specifically demonstrate their awareness, contrasting it with the lack of exposure or different focuses of the older generation.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Conscious
  • Environmental studies
  • Tech-savvy
  • Firsthand experiences
  • Conservation efforts
  • Activism
  • Sustainable habits
  • Scarcity
  • Practical understanding
  • Incorporates
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