IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

250 words The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.-

While
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 increasing sedentary lifestyles and the rise of
health
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 problems might suggest that the assertion that the average standard of people's
health
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 will likely decline in the future, I strongly believe that the
arguement
Correct your spelling
argument
 is fundamentally misguided. In fact, numerous advancements in healthcare, technology, and public awareness indicate a promising trajectory for improvements in
health
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 and well-being in the years ahead.
To begin
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 with, medical advancements have revolutionized healthcare on a global scale. Breakthroughs
such
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 as telehealth services and minimally invasive surgeries are significantly enhancing both accessibility and effectiveness.
For instance
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, the expansion of telehealth allows individuals to receive timely medical advice without geographical barriers.
This
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 increased access not only facilitates early diagnosis and treatment of
health
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 conditions but
also
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 ensures that those who are housebound
due to
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 illness can obtain essential medical advice from the comfort of their homes, potentially leading to better recovery rates.
Furthermore
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, there is a growing emphasis on preventive care and healthy living. Public
health
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 campaigns,
such
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 as Move Your Way by the U.S. Department of
Health
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 and Human Services (HHS), have effectively raised awareness about the critical importance of exercise, balanced diets, and mental well-being. Many communities are prioritizing
health
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 through initiatives that promote physical activity, nutritious eating, and mental
health
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 support.
For example
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, schools are increasingly incorporating comprehensive wellness programs that educate children about nutrition and fitness, fostering healthier habits from an early age.
In addition
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, the proliferation of
health
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 technology, including fitness trackers and
health
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 apps, empowers individuals to take control of their well-being.
As a result
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, people are becoming more motivated to monitor their physical activity, nutrition, and mental
health
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, enabling informed choices that contribute to improved
health
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 outcomes. In conclusion,
while
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 challenges undoubtedly remain, the potential for enhanced
health
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 standards in the future is significant. Advances in healthcare, increased awareness of healthy living, and the rapid growth of
health
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 technology collectively suggest a future where the average standard of people's
health
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 may well surpass current levels.

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task response
Ensure that your essay maintains a clear focus on the main topic throughout. Avoid introducing tangential ideas that may detract from the central argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to incorporate a slightly wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the fluidity and elegance of the essay. This can improve the overall cohesion.
task response
The essay presents a clear and well-structured argument against the idea that health standards will decline in the future, supported by relevant examples and evidence.
coherence and cohesion
Logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, contributing to the overall clarity and coherence.
task response
Strong use of supporting points such as advancements in healthcare, public awareness, and health technology, which are well-integrated into the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the argument, providing a strong start and finish to the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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