Many scientists believe that now we can study the behaviour of a three-year-old child to see whether they will grow up to become criminals. To what extent do you think human nature leads to crime? How can we prevent children from growing up to become criminals?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A growing consensus of scientists suggests that it is feasible to deduce whether a kid is a potential criminal by their behaviour.
However
,
although
it is acknowledged that the characteristics expressed by genes might influence individuals’ conduct, I personally believe that the impact of the environment will play a much more pivotal role. Engaging in crime can be dominated by personal traits, and it is likely to be observed
while
young. Personal traits are inherited through genes which vary between individuals.
Children
with different characteristics tend to perform different actions in their daily lives because diverse natures lead to various perceptions and thoughts among individuals.
For instance
, the frequency of initiating a conflict from an irritable child can be far larger than that of others.
Therefore
, the
performance
of offspring can be observed when they are young to determine their human nature,
thus
deduce the probability of becoming a potential criminal.
However
, traits are not only determined by genes but
also
by the environment, which has been proven in the biological field. The impacts of families, schooling, and even society contribute to the
performance
of
children
. More specifically, only
exposed
Rephrase
when exposed
show examples
to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
friendly
surrounding
Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
show examples
can
children
get positive influences, because
children
with unmatured mindsets usually have to mimic others' behaviours from the community
hence
developing a thorough behaviour system themselves.
Moreover
, observing the
performance
of others is
also
a way for
kids
to learn, so it is obvious that the impacts of the surroundings are magnificent.
As a consequence
, several actions must be taken by parents in order to prevent
kids
from disobeying the laws.
To begin
with, performing as a qualified citizen themselves is vital, establishing a model for offspring and conveying valuable insights for them.
In addition
, family education is needed for constructing correct social values for
kids
and teaching them several methods that can be used when reacting with diverse people under different circumstances.
Finally
, communication with school teachers is important for a deeper understanding of their
kids
, and limiting the social circle would
also
benefit the quality of the environment that students are exposed to. In conclusion, it is admitted that the human nature that
kids
are born with will influence their
performance
to some extent.
However
, it is worth noting that environments
also
play an unignorable role. In
this
case, several valuable actions should be taken by parents to holistically navigate their
children
to the correct road.
Submitted by felixdai89 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure clear progression of ideas throughout the essay. Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to clearly demarcate different arguments or points.
task achievement
Make stronger links between theoretical points and real-world examples to illustrate arguments effectively. Avoid being overly general with examples; specificity can greatly enhance the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: