In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

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Nowadays, the levels of healthiness and fitness are declining in some societies
due to
the
increase
in the average
weight
of
people
. I think
this
is mainly because of their sedentary lifestyles and the popularity of fast food, but there are some solutions. A reason why
people
have generally grown overweight and unhealthy is that almost everyone either drives or takes public transport to work or school.
As a result
, there has been a serious decline in most
people
’s levels of physical
activity
,leading them to burn fewer calories and gain
weight
. Another reason could be the overconsumption of fast food. A cheeseburger has many high-calorie ingredients
such
as Mozzarella cheese, sauce and bread.
This
means that eating many cheeseburgers would definitely have negative effects on blood fat levels and
increase
one’s
weight
. A possible solution to improve public health and fitness is for
people
to
increase
their daily physical
activity
. Walking to work might be a great idea if
people
live close to their workplaces, jogging in the morning or evening and
taking
Verb problem
getting
show examples
regular exercise at the gym.
In addition
, what governments can do is
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
launch publicity campaigns against obesity so that
people
are informed of the dangers of a high-calorie diet.
For example
, posters could be designed that illustrate how back pain results from obesity and mounted in public areas and vehicles.
This
would definitely encourage many to control their calorie intake. In conclusion, the decline in health and fitness and
increase
Correct article usage
the increase
show examples
in the
weight
of many
people
in various countries
owe
Change the form of the verb
owing
show examples
mainly to a lack of physical
activity
and the high consumption of fast food.
However
, these problems can be dealt with if
people
increase
their daily physical
activity
and are informed of the dangers of eating too much.
Submitted by abdullaevayt on

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coherence cohesion
Provide a clearer overall structure, including better paragraphing and more explicit signposting to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Make sure all paragraphs are well-developed with main ideas that are expanded with explanation, detail, and example where appropriate.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task more evenly; while you covered the causes, the solutions could be discussed in more depth.
task achievement
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to better express nuances, especially when discussing causes and solutions. Avoid repetition of common words.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific, detailed examples to support your points and illustrate the issues being discussed, which will strengthen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • exercise
  • unhealthy diet
  • fast food
  • urbanization
  • modernization
  • stress
  • awareness
  • education
  • government intervention
  • policies
  • promotion
  • sports
  • fitness programs
  • health education
  • taxation
  • public transportation
  • infrastructure
  • parks
  • recreational spaces
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