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Writing Samples
Band 6

The information about medical care in three EU countries between 1980 and 2000.

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Introduction
The chart provides statistics for medical care in three nations in Europe from 1980 to 2000, at 10-year intervals.
Body paragraph 1
Overall
Linking Words
, trends varied across the
apsects
Correct your spelling
aspects
 of medical care, with physician figures following a broadly upward trajectory in 2 out of 3 countries.
Whereas
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 the number of hospital beds experienced a growing pattern across the nations, there was no rise in
average
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the average
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 stay in hospitals. In all these aspects,
Sweden
Use synonyms
 stood out as having the largest figures.
Body paragraph 2
Of the three countries,
Sweden
Use synonyms
 emerged as the leader in physician numbers, which stood at 3.6
initially
Linking Words
 and, after a decrease of 0.6, 3.8
finally
Linking Words
, a marginal growth of 0.2. The growth was more consistent yet less marked in Austria, where the
figure
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 grew from 0.8 to 1 over the
time-frame
Correct your spelling
time frame
.
This
Linking Words
 was a clear contrast to France, a country that witnessed an uninterrupted decline from 2.4 in 1980 to 1.3 in 2000.
Body paragraph 3
The breakdown of hospital beds revealed broadly similar rankings. Ranking first again,
Sweden
Use synonyms
 recorded a slight rise in the provision of hospital beds, edging up from the initial 6.4 to the final 6.9. Austria, unlike in
physician
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the physician
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 count, came second and saw its number climb notably from 1.4 in 1980 to 3.7
at the end
Linking Words
. France came at the lower end of the spectrum, with its
figure
Use synonyms
 increasing eightfold from 0.2 during the timeline.
Conclusion
Generally similar patterns could be seen in
average
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the average
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 stay in hospitals, with
Sweden
Use synonyms
 at the top. It is
also
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 country whose 1980
figure
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 stood at a high of 23, a number that had fallen negligibly to 21 by 2000.
While
Linking Words
 Austria dipped significantly and recovered to the original
figure
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 of 18, France closed the list and was the only one to have constantly decreased, from 9 to a low of 5.

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task response
Give the reader the unit for each set of numbers, such as doctors or beds per 1,000 people, and days for hospital stay. This makes the report more clear.
task response
Check all key facts before you write. In the last part, say clearly that Austria went down and then went back to its first level. This is more exact than saying it dipped and recovered.
task response
Make the main points in the overview more exact. Say which country rose or fell in each area, not only that the trends were different.
coherence and cohesion
The report has a clear start, overview, and three body parts. Keep this plan, as it helps the reader follow the data.
coherence and cohesion
Use simpler links between ideas. For example, use “However”, “In contrast”, and “Meanwhile” rather than long phrases such as “This was a clear contrast to”.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same order in every part if it does not help. You can group the two countries with similar change first, then describe the one with a different trend.
coherence and cohesion
Fix small word errors that can slow the reader down, such as “apsects”. Also, use “over the period” instead of “during the timeline”.
task response
You cover all three countries and all three parts of medical care, with data from the start and end of the period.
task response
Your overview points out the main pattern: Sweden had the highest figures in all areas, and hospital beds rose in each country.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one clear focus: doctors, hospital beds, and length of hospital stay.
coherence and cohesion
You use comparison well, for example when you show that France fell in doctor numbers while Austria rose.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • medical care
  • healthcare services
  • EU member states
  • the given period
  • overall trend
  • a gradual increase
  • a steady decline
  • a sharp rise
  • a slight fluctuation
  • remain stable
  • reach a peak
  • fall to a low point
  • the highest figure
  • the lowest proportion
  • a significant difference
  • a comparable level
  • overtake another country
  • in contrast
  • respectively
  • over the two decades
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