These day many people leave their country to work abroad and take their family with them. Do you think benefits of this outweigh disadvantages in term of family development.
Nowadays people travel with their the aim of moving is because of
families
looking for better opourtinities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
out
of their home country. Moving abroad has positive and Change preposition
outside
negitive
sides on family Correct your spelling
negative
link
. In the Fix the agreement mistake
links
fellowing
Correct your spelling
following
paragraph
I will discuss Add a comma
paragraph,
the
both sides.
Parents move to new Remove the article
apply
countiries
looking for new Correct your spelling
countries
adventure
Fix the agreement mistake
adventures
to
them and their beloved children. There are many advantages for living abroad on family members relationships. Change preposition
for
For example
, settling in a new country makes parents and children spend more time togather
as they have no Correct your spelling
together
distraction
as old friends or relatives. Fix the agreement mistake
distractions
In addition
, If the people speaks
Change the verb form
speak
Correct article usage
a forign
forign
language in that area will help Correct your spelling
foreign
families
to communicate more trying
to learn the language Wrong verb form
and try
togather
.
On the other Correct your spelling
together
hands
, usuallyFix the agreement mistake
hand
Add a comma
,
finincial
reasons. So, the providers tend to spend more time at work to improve their Correct your spelling
financial
families
income and save money to return to their home as soon as possible. Change noun form
family's
families'
Moreover
, children could face some difficulties to cope
with the new Change preposition
in coping
enviroment
more than adults andCorrect your spelling
environment
psycological
Correct your spelling
psychological
problem
are common among them.
In conclusion, many Fix the agreement mistake
problems
families
move abrod
looking for Correct your spelling
abroad
brighter
future Correct article usage
a brighter
to
Change preposition
for
them
and their Correct pronoun usage
themselves
offsprings
. Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
This
change may help family's
members to communicate more and build a positive rapport. Change noun form
family
However
, Add an article
the provider
a provider
provider
may move Fix the agreement mistake
providers
a part
and focus more Correct your spelling
apart
in
work as it is the cause of Change preposition
on
this
change.Submitted by no_esem on
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task achievement
Your introduction sets the topic, but lacks a clear thesis statement indicating your own stance regarding the benefits and disadvantages. A more definite opinion would enhance the task response score.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure could be clearer with better distinction between paragraphs, such as the use of topic sentences to explicitly state the main idea of each paragraph.
task achievement
The conclusion summarizes the essay but can be improved by directly addressing whether the benefits outweigh the disadvantages in terms of family development, as the question requests your judgment.
task achievement
Your main points are outlined, but they lack specific examples and evidence. Increasing the use of detailed examples would greatly support your points and improve your score.
coherence cohesion
You have made effort to connect ideas and arguments, but your essay can benefit from smoother transitions and more varied linking words. This will help the reader follow your reasoning better.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical accuracy, for instance, 'families' instead of 'familys', 'abroad' instead of 'abrod', and 'psychological' instead of 'psycological'.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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