IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, as a part of education process, students work at a company for a short period of time without pay. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

It is true that these days,
students
Use synonyms
 have to take unpaid positions in companies for some time, as
this
Linking Words
 is a
part
Use synonyms
 of their curriculum. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain why the benefits of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon eclipse its drawbacks. Admittedly,
this
Linking Words
 trend has its negative sides.
Firstly
Linking Words
, without salaries, young people do not have enough motivation.
As a result
Linking Words
 of performing many responsibilities, they will start feeling tired after some time, which will
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to situations where they will lose interest in their
work
Use synonyms
 without any encouragement.
In addition
Linking Words
, for some of the
students
Use synonyms
, it might be too expensive. Some of them have to commute to a different city, which makes them spend large sums on public transportation.
For example
Linking Words
, in order to get from A to B, they sometimes have to spend all their monthly savings during just one week and,
as a consequence
Linking Words
, they will not be able to cover their basic daily needs for the following three weeks of the month.
However
Linking Words
, I take the view that the advantages of
such
Linking Words
 temporary
work
Use synonyms
 clearly overshadow its disadvantages.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, a new experience in a company is very valuable for their future career.
While
Linking Words
 being a
part
Use synonyms
 of a team, they will have an opportunity to develop their practical skills, which is
part
Use synonyms
 and parcel of becoming professional workers. Take doctors,
for instance
Linking Words
, who have to
work
Use synonyms
 in hospitals for free, which enables them to treat patients in the future.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 might get their first paid job in
such
Linking Words
 companies. If they perform their responsibilities thoroughly and
work
Use synonyms
 hard, employers might offer them a good position.
Hence
Linking Words
, they will start their
part
Use synonyms
-time jobs , earning their first money. In conclusion, I am convinced that the benefits of the fact that
students
Use synonyms
 have to
work
Use synonyms
 in companies for free for a particular period of time, which is a
part
Use synonyms
 of their educational program, outweigh its drawbacks.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task
To raise task response, add clear main idea in each paragraph and link them to your main view. Give stronger examples.
coherence
Improve flow by using simple link words at the start of sentences and by keeping ideas in the same tense within a paragraph.
language
Grammar and word choice need fix: 'leads' to 'leads' (fix), 'it will leads' -> 'it will lead', and replace 'eclipse' with 'outweigh'.
conclusion
Conclude with a short rest on your view and say what changes would help both sides be fair.
examples
Use more precise examples or data, not too big or too vague, to show facts.
structure
Clear plan with intro, body, and conclusion.
coherence
Good use of linking words like 'To begin with', 'Furthermore', 'Hence'.
arguments
Strong view is stated early and kept through the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • real-world experience
  • soft skills
  • networking opportunities
  • workplace culture
  • career exploration
  • professional relationships
  • academic knowledge
  • theoretical application
  • job market
  • head start
  • industry connections
  • unpaid internship
  • employability
  • practical experience
  • individual development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: