IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the Internet is responsible for destroying social skills of teenagers and young adults. Why do you think the Internet is seen as dangerous in this way and what can we do to ensure that it does not harm the social development of teenagers and young adults?

The technology
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Technology
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 has bestowed on humankind many blessings in the form of increased connectivity, but the question remains :
is
Verb problem
Does
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 the
internet
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 have no detrimental effects, and
that
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apply
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does it
impedes
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impede
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 the progress of acquiring proficiency in social
skills
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 for our youth and children ?
This
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 essay discusses that the
internet
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 agrees that the
internet
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 can hinder the progress of social growth of those citizens and
also
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 elaborates
how
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on how
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 it can be avoided. The main reason
as to
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apply
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why some
people
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 contend that the cyber-network is negatively
effecting
Correct your spelling
affecting
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the
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apply
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our young generation
because
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is because
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 of the fact that
people
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 can not gain confidence in
the
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apply
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real
inter-personal
Correct your spelling
interpersonal
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communication
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skills
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 and potentially
also
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 find it challenging to foster team
skills
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. First of all, the innovation of mobile technology displacing our actual
communication
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, which, in turn,
inconducive
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is inconducive
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 to the goals of attaining supremacy in those
skills
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; it is logical that if a skill is
practiced
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practised
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 less, the more lacking it becomes.
As a result
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, many young
people
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 find it challenging to express themselves freely in classrooms and collaborate effectively in team projects at workplaces , which necessitates good command over
inter-personal
Correct your spelling
interpersonal
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 conversational
skills
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. Not only
this
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 but it
also
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 gives rise to more conflicts among
people
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 because they are inept at recognizing
Correct article usage
the importance
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importance
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the importance
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 of sympathy and cooperation
due to
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 less face-to-face speaking experience. It can be argued that the less youngsters rely on their devices to communicate, the more knowledgeable they become at handling group assignments and
the
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apply
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matters requiring more sensitivity and empathy to resolve any dispute.
However
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, the menace of the
internet
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's detrimental impacts on the day-to-day life
communication
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 of adolescents and
the
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apply
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young men can be solved by education.
This
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 is a good way because
people
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 need to be aware
about
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of
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 its repercussions so that it can be averted. Incorporating awareness through school curricula
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apply
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that
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apply
show examples
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourage
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encourages
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encourage
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 students to participate in group discussions and public speaking,
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apply
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which
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apply
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improves their social life as they can learn how to effectively communicate and collaborate with others.
Moreover
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, It will empower them to forge strong bonds with their peers and
also
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 enable
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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 make meaningful relationships with
people
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 they like.
Apart from
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this
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, governments's public infomercials
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 another technique to teach
people
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 about the harmful effects of the increased reliance on cyber-based
communication
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. Again, if
people
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 know the knock-on effects they will most likely try to talk more
in-person
Correct your spelling
in person
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 than online in order to avoid any conflicts. In conclusion,
the
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apply
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technology can be
boon
Add an article
a boon
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 or bane contingent on how much
people
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 know about its unwanted consequences.
Hence
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, I believe that disseminating its acumen by involving
the
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apply
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educational institutes and public broadcast
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
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 can improve the wanting social
skills
Use synonyms
 of our young generation.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure paragraphs are clearly separated and ideas follow a logical sequence, avoiding repetition and maintaining focus throughout the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Provide a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the main points, with a distinct thesis statement at the beginning.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support main ideas with clear and relevant examples or explanations to reinforce arguments.
Task Response
Address all parts of the task, ensuring a complete response to the question, with a clear viewpoint and appropriate detail.
Task Response
Develop ideas fully to show a clear understanding of the topic, presenting ideas comprehensively and accessibly.
Task Response
Incorporate specific examples that effectively illustrate the arguments and relevance to the topic, adding depth to the discussion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distraction
  • Isolation
  • Face-to-face interactions
  • Cyberbullying
  • Anonymity
  • Harassment
  • Social media
  • Superficial relationships
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Communication skills
  • Virtual validation
  • Self-esteem
  • Online communities
  • Parental guidance
  • Digital literacy
  • Awareness programs
  • Constructive use
  • Setting boundaries
  • Social development
  • Meaningful connections
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