In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advatnages adn disadvantages of giving children this message?

Children
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
been told that they can obtain anything if they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
work
hardly
Rephrase
hard
show examples
.
This
practice
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
certain community have pros and cons which I will explain
this
Change preposition
in this
show examples
essay Children
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
been told that they can obtain anything if they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
work
hardly
Rephrase
hard
show examples
.
This
practice
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
certain community have pros and cons which I will explain
this
Change preposition
in this
show examples
essay Children
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
been told that they can obtain anything if they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
work
hardly
Rephrase
hard
show examples
.
This
practice
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
certain community have pros and cons which I will explain
this
Change preposition
in this
show examples
essay
Submitted by ck.manshad on

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coherence cohesion
The essay provided is highly repetitive with the same sentence occurring three times and does not address the question properly. There is no logical structure or progression of ideas. Moreover, the essay lacks an introduction and conclusion which are essential components. To improve, you need to ensure that these components are present and that the essay develops logically.
task achievement
The response to the task is incomplete and the ideas are not clear or comprehensive. There is a failure to present a balanced view on the advantages and disadvantages as the question requires. To enhance your essay, focus on answering all parts of the task and develop your ideas fully with clear, specific examples where appropriate.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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