In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advatnages adn disadvantages of giving children this message?

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Introduction

Children

had

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

been told that they can obtain anything if they

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

work

hardly

Rephrase

hard

show examples

This

Linking Words

practice

Correct your spelling

show examples

certain community have pros and cons which I will explain

Linking Words

this

Change preposition

in this

show examples

essay

Body

Children

had

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

been told that they can obtain anything if they

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

work

hardly

Rephrase

hard

show examples

This

Linking Words

practice

Correct your spelling

show examples

certain community have pros and cons which I will explain

Linking Words

this

Change preposition

in this

show examples

essay

Conclusion

Children

had

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

been told that they can obtain anything if they

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

work

hardly

Rephrase

hard

show examples

This

Linking Words

practice

Correct your spelling

show examples

certain community have pros and cons which I will explain

Linking Words

this

Change preposition

in this

show examples

essay

ck.manshad

Dec 8, 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay provided is highly repetitive with the same sentence occurring three times and does not address the question properly. There is no logical structure or progression of ideas. Moreover, the essay lacks an introduction and conclusion which are essential components. To improve, you need to ensure that these components are present and that the essay develops logically.

task achievement

The response to the task is incomplete and the ideas are not clear or comprehensive. There is a failure to present a balanced view on the advantages and disadvantages as the question requires. To enhance your essay, focus on answering all parts of the task and develop your ideas fully with clear, specific examples where appropriate.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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1
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

87 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Resilience: the ability to recover quickly from difficulties
Perseverance: continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failure, or opposition
Ambition: a strong desire to achieve something
Self-confidence: a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment
Socio-economic status: the social standing or class of an individual or group, often measured as a combination of education, income, and occupation
Innate talent: natural ability or skill
Disappointment: sadness or displeasure caused by the non-fulfillment of one's hopes or expectations
Unrealistic expectations: beliefs or hopes that are not practical or likely to be achieved

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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advatnages adn disadvantages of giving children this message?

Some people think foreign visitors should be charged more than local people when they visit the cultural and historical attractions in a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some believe that a lot of scientific research is a waste of time and money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Influence of human beings on the world's ecosystem is leading to The extinction of species and the loss of biodiversity.. What are the primary causes of loss of bio-diversity? What solutions can you suggest?

New coverage about violent crime frightens people and encourages criminals. Therefore, some people believe this type of news should not be reported in newspapers or shown on TVs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?