IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts provided information about the average money spent on households in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.

The pie charts provided information about the average money spent on households in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.
The following diagrams
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
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 the basic amount of funds invested in households in two different countries during the period of 2010.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the transportation costs in Japan were more than in Malaysia two times(10 per
cent
Use synonyms
). The average costs for food in Japan and Malaysia were approximately
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 and accounted for almost a quarter and 27 per
cent
Use synonyms
 respectively.
In addition
Linking Words
, the proportion of money spent on medical purposes was
noticebly
Correct your spelling
noticeably
 less than for other purposes and made up only 6 per
cent
Use synonyms
 for
Japaniese
Correct your spelling
Japanese
 and 3 per
cent
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 for Malaysians.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the population of Malaysia spent over a third of household
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
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 on housing
while
Linking Words
Japaniese
Correct your spelling
Japanese
 invested in houses 21 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Other average percentage
Change the wording
Another average percentage
Other average percentages
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 of
remaining
Correct article usage
the remaining
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 money from all expenses in both countries
spent
Add a missing verb
was spent
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 on different services and goods. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, the main source of expense in Japan was transportation
while
Linking Words
malaysians
Change the capitalization
Malaysians
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 spent the basic amount of money on housing on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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average.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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