Some people believe that teenager should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time . This can be benefit teenagers and the community as well . To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There are different
opportinuities
that Correct your spelling
opportunities
Add a missing verb
are desighnated
desighnated
as Correct your spelling
designated
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
a volunteer position
volunteer positions
volunteer
positions to build society
by using Add an article
a society
young
population and some Correct article usage
the young
peoplehave
proposed that It is a good way to empower Correct your spelling
people have
society
without a huge amount of expences
to pay to workers , Correct your spelling
expenses
however
, it seems they don't want to see the harmfull
aspects in a long time ,because, teenagers must familiar with Correct your spelling
harmful
cost
of living and economical life as a human ,so, I disagree with the Add an article
the cost
volunteer
working for our young part of the society
, because , it would growth unawarness
of economical issues in their mind ,so ,I will explain in following sentences .
In a beginning, benefits of Correct your spelling
unawareness
volunteer
working are limited to companies and big instituitions that want to grow inn speed and cheep way ,in addition
, if these positions have a good designation in higher level of professionist in governments ,it has a huge effect to reduve national budjet for services in community like repairing jobs, health_care services and education ,however
, quality have sacrified indteat of quantity to accessibility all layers of population to have a free labour ,and this
theory is more famous in Europe and England during early of 1900 ,however
, the long outcome of these methods is reached to revolution like we saw in France, so , volunteer
jobs might helpful for short time situation nor in a long time ,because, economic principals to manage cost of living as a family ,ust teach to youngesters and unpaid job would give them false confident to handle difficult situation and they have not act as a eminent person in their future life for their family and society
,likewise
, even in less amount of money we must use of teenagers for doing in workplace that they got awarness of importance of money in living in the world .
In conclusion , this
idea of unpaid jobs is harmfull
for flourishment economic mind of young people and reduce their ability to solve problems that would Correct your spelling
harmful
rise
Correct your spelling
arise
up
in future regarding Change preposition
apply
economical
status .Replace the word
economic
Submitted by h.ebrahimi66 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
introduction conclusion present
The essay lacks a well-defined introduction and conclusion. Ensure that your essay has a clear introductory paragraph that sets the context and a conclusion that summarizes the main points and your viewpoint.
logical structure
The logical structure of the essay is weak. The points presented are not organized in a clear, logical manner, which makes it difficult to follow your argument. Use clear topic sentences and ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to improve the logical flow.
supported main points
Main points are not well-supported with relevant examples or explanations. Each point you make should be followed by evidence or examples that support it and demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.
complete response
The task response requires a clear answer to the prompt. Your essay must address the question directly and provide arguments to support your view. Stay focused on the topic and ensure that everything you write is relevant to the task at hand.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas need to be clearer and more comprehensively developed. Strive for clear explanations and well-structured sentences. This will make your essay easier to understand and will help to convey your points more effectively.
relevant specific examples
The essay lacks specific examples that are relevant to the argument. Use concrete and relevant examples to illustrate your points and show how they apply to the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!