IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that museums and art galleries should concentrate on the works of their own countries instead of the works of art from other parts of the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the modern world, many museums and galleries must focus on crafts and items that show the history and culture of their region rather than items from other parts of the world. Many
people
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 argue
this
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 point because they want to keep their galleries for their historical works.
In contrast
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, some
people
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 show the opposite that there is no trouble if they display other works. In
this
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 essay, we will explain
this
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 topic. On the one hand, concentrating on crafts from other countries is not approved in some
people
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's minds. Because is not necessary to share objects belonging to other countries in their national art and history spaces.
For example
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, A Japanese art season every 16th of October held in an old village. One of the most important bands is not allowed to be involved with any piece outside the Japanese culture. So, the participation of societies' past articles is not the correct choice for a fraction of
people
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.
On the other hand
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, several
people
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 show the opposite that there is not an issue if they teach their proportions about other cities. It will raise the relationship between each other when they learn about different habits.
For instance
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, the Egyptian government signed a contract with six African countries to exchange their culture in art galleries.
As a result
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, the number of visitors increased by 60% in the first year.
Consequently
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, it's essential for some communities to take a view of other regions.
To sum up
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. Some prefer to share their works in the same place
while
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 others argue that for many reasons. In my opinion, the first option is logical.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are well-structured and each paragraph has a clear central idea supported by appropriate evidence or examples. Additionally, improve transitions between ideas to enhance the flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Delve deeper into your arguments with more detailed explanations and connections to the topic question to ensure a fully developed response.
Coherence & Cohesion
Avoid repetitive phrases and aim to use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures. This will help in making your ideas clearer and more engaging to the reader.
Task Achievement
The essay provides both sides of the argument regarding whether museums and galleries should focus on local or international works, showing a balanced view.
Coherence & Cohesion
Successfully includes a conclusion that summarizes the main points of the essay.
Task Achievement
Gives examples to support arguments, such as the Japanese art season and the Egyptian government's cultural exchange.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural heritage
  • National identity
  • Creative economy
  • Artistic diversity
  • Cultural exchange
  • Global perspective
  • Art curation
  • Nationalist pride
  • Tourist attraction
  • Cultural preservation
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