Parents should encourage children to spend less time studying and more time doing physical activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree
Parents must give some motivation their children to
learning
something more which is related to their field and more time ought to be spent Wrong verb form
learn
by
doing physical acts. I strongly Change preposition
apply
agree
Add the preposition
agree on
agree to
agree with
this
idea, Because physical action is so crucial for infant's
growth both mentally and physically. Correct article usage
an infant's
In
Change preposition
This
this
essay, it
can explored clearly and fully.
Well, Parents' Correct pronoun usage
apply
supporting
, Replace the word
support
direction
Correct word choice
and direction
is
so crucial role Verb problem
play
for
Change preposition
in
development
of their kids. One of the beneficial Add an article
the development
decision
is that Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
Spending
less time Wrong verb form
Spend
to
Change preposition
apply
the
studying than doing physical exercise. Without doing sports, people do not know Correct article usage
apply
it's
value.The profits of doing sports are that First of all, It provides Correct your spelling
its
to be
healthy and Verb problem
apply
strenghth
Correct your spelling
strong
bone
. In spite of Fix the agreement mistake
bones
this
, Father
and mother will Correct article usage
the Father
recommand
Correct your spelling
recommend
to do
acts on a Change the verb form
doing
basicly
. Correct your spelling
basis
Secondly
, It provides for focusing on. Together with
this
, It will decrease unbelief. Everything will be bright with performing actions. For instance
, While
i'm
preparing Change the capitalization
I'm
on
Change preposition
for
Add an article
the exam
an exam
exam
, Before starting Fix the agreement mistake
exams
homeworks
, I Correct your spelling
homework
had been running
every day. And it helps me to Wrong verb form
ran
imcrease
my belief that I am able to achieve my goals. That was Correct your spelling
increase
magnificent
circumstance for me.
Correct article usage
a magnificent
On the other hand
, People have always been preparing Change preposition
for hometasks
hometasks
. It can Correct your spelling
home tasks
be damaged
Wrong verb form
damage
to
their brain. Children will get some stress with performing the same things. Change preposition
apply
As a result
, Not only mentally
but Change the word
mental
also
physically
skills will be reduced.
Change the word
physical
Parents
Change noun form
Parents'
Parent's
encouragements
is to do exercise that may Fix the agreement mistake
encouragement
be sports
more than Doing physical actions, I believe that If All people can do actions physically, it will be utilizable for all life's needsChange the verb form
sport
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coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates an attempt at logical structure, but it is hampered by a lack of clear paragraphing and a progression of ideas that is not easy to follow. It is essential to organize the content into clear paragraphs, each with a distinct purpose (introduction, body paragraphs with separate ideas, and conclusion). Improved signposting phrases to guide the reader and demonstrate the structure of the argument will enhance the logical flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are underdeveloped, which can lead to a lower score. It is important for the introduction to clearly present the topic and the writer's opinion. The conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points discussed in the essay and provide a final thought on the position taken. These parts frame the essay and help the reader to fully understand the writer's argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains main points but they are thinly supported. Expanding on these points with clear explanations, relevant examples, and details would effectively strengthen the argument. Each main point should be elaborated with specific information that shows how it supports the overall thesis of the essay.
task achievement
The response to the task is somewhat present but it is not fully developed. It is important to provide a direct answer to the question prompt, fully addressing all parts of the task. This includes presenting a clear position throughout the essay and supporting it with specific reasons and examples.
task achievement
The essay does not entirely present clear and comprehensive ideas. The use of vague statements and a lack of detailed explanation make it difficult for the reader to grasp the full extent of the arguments. Clearer and more detailed articulation of points could significantly improve the essay's effectiveness in presenting comprehensive ideas.
task achievement
The essay lacks well-chosen examples to illustrate points effectively. Specific examples, real-life situations, or hypothetical scenarios related to the topic help to make the essay more persuasive and relate the discussion to the real world, contributing significantly to task achievement.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example