Parents should encourage children to spend less time studying and more time doing physical activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#parents #children #time #activities

Parents must give some motivation their children to

learning

Wrong verb form

learn

show examples

something more which is related to their field and more time ought to be spent

Change preposition

apply

show examples

doing physical acts. I strongly

agree

Add the preposition

agree on

agree to

agree with

show examples

this

idea, Because physical action is so crucial for

infant's

Correct article usage

an infant's

show examples

growth both mentally and physically.

Change preposition

This

show examples

this

essay,

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

can explored clearly and fully. Well, Parents'

supporting

Replace the word

support

show examples

direction

Correct word choice

and direction

show examples

Verb problem

play

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so crucial role

for

Change preposition

show examples

development

Add an article

the development

show examples

of their kids. One of the beneficial

decision

Fix the agreement mistake

decisions

show examples

is that

Spending

Wrong verb form

Spend

show examples

less time

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

studying than doing physical exercise. Without doing sports, people do not know

it's

Correct your spelling

its

show examples

value.The profits of doing sports are that First of all, It provides

to be

Verb problem

apply

show examples

healthy and

strenghth

Correct your spelling

strong

bone

Fix the agreement mistake

bones

show examples

. In spite of

this

Father

Correct article usage

the Father

show examples

and mother will

recommand

Correct your spelling

recommend

to do

Change the verb form

doing

show examples

acts on a

basicly

Correct your spelling

basis

Secondly

, It provides for focusing on.

Together with

this

, It will decrease unbelief. Everything will be bright with performing actions.

For instance

While

i'm

Change the capitalization

I'm

show examples

preparing

Change preposition

for

show examples

Add an article

the exam

an exam

show examples

exam

Fix the agreement mistake

exams

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, Before starting

homeworks

Correct your spelling

homework

, I

had been running

Wrong verb form

ran

show examples

every day. And it helps me to

imcrease

Correct your spelling

increase

my belief that I am able to achieve my goals. That was

magnificent

Correct article usage

a magnificent

show examples

circumstance for me.

On the other hand

, People have always been preparing

Change preposition

for hometasks

show examples

hometasks

Correct your spelling

home tasks

. It can

be damaged

Wrong verb form

damage

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their brain. Children will get some stress with performing the same things.

As a result

, Not only

mentally

Change the word

mental

show examples

but

also

physically

Change the word

physical

show examples

skills will be reduced.

Parents

Change noun form

Parents'

Parent's

show examples

encouragements

Fix the agreement mistake

encouragement

show examples

is to do exercise that may

be sports

Change the verb form

sport

show examples

more than Doing physical actions, I believe that If All people can do actions physically, it will be utilizable for all life's needs

Submitted by sarvinozjumayeva813 on Sun Dec 10 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay demonstrates an attempt at logical structure, but it is hampered by a lack of clear paragraphing and a progression of ideas that is not easy to follow. It is essential to organize the content into clear paragraphs, each with a distinct purpose (introduction, body paragraphs with separate ideas, and conclusion). Improved signposting phrases to guide the reader and demonstrate the structure of the argument will enhance the logical flow of the essay.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are underdeveloped, which can lead to a lower score. It is important for the introduction to clearly present the topic and the writer's opinion. The conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points discussed in the essay and provide a final thought on the position taken. These parts frame the essay and help the reader to fully understand the writer's argument.

coherence cohesion

The essay contains main points but they are thinly supported. Expanding on these points with clear explanations, relevant examples, and details would effectively strengthen the argument. Each main point should be elaborated with specific information that shows how it supports the overall thesis of the essay.

task achievement

The response to the task is somewhat present but it is not fully developed. It is important to provide a direct answer to the question prompt, fully addressing all parts of the task. This includes presenting a clear position throughout the essay and supporting it with specific reasons and examples.

task achievement

The essay does not entirely present clear and comprehensive ideas. The use of vague statements and a lack of detailed explanation make it difficult for the reader to grasp the full extent of the arguments. Clearer and more detailed articulation of points could significantly improve the essay's effectiveness in presenting comprehensive ideas.

task achievement

The essay lacks well-chosen examples to illustrate points effectively. Specific examples, real-life situations, or hypothetical scenarios related to the topic help to make the essay more persuasive and relate the discussion to the real world, contributing significantly to task achievement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
40Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

257 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Physical activity
Development
Concentration
Obesity
Burnout
Sedentary lifestyle
Healthy lifestyle
Intellectual development
Structured activities
Teamwork
Leadership
Sedentary behavior
Tech addiction
Role models
Family bonds

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Parents should encourage children to spend less time studying and more time doing physical activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In future it may be necessary for us to live on another planets. For this reason, some people believe that we should spend money now to reseach another planets. Such as mars, to what extend do you agree or disagree?

In the future it may be necessary for us to live on other planets. For this reason, some people believe that we should spend money now researching planets that could be a possible home, such as Mars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that school children should be made to wear a uniform. Others feel that children should be free to choose their own clothes. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, experience is more valued in the workplace than knowledge in many countries. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Many people are optimistic about the 21st century and expect scientists to make positive changes to the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with their optimism? What changes do you like to see in your new century?