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Writing Samples
Band 6

the map shows developments, which took place in the bookstore between 2000 and now.

the map shows developments, which took place in the bookstore between 2000 and now.
#developments #place #bookstore
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The two maps show the previous layout of
Use synonyms
bookstore
Add an article
a bookstore
the bookstore
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 in 2000 and how it is currently after the renovation.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the size of the
bookstore
Use synonyms
 remains the same.
However
Linking Words
, there are some rearrangements related to several book sections
and
Correct word choice
apply
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with most noticeable addition of
café
Correct article usage
a café
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 inside the building. In 2000, the
bookstore
Use synonyms
 had its biggest area designated for fiction
books
Use synonyms
, followed by
non-fiction
Correct article usage
the non-fiction
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 genre as its second biggest section. The
travel related
Add a hyphen
travel-related
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books
Use synonyms
located
Add a missing verb
are located
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 near the entrance, next to the newly published
books
Use synonyms
 and the service desk. Other sections like Art, Hobbies and Cookery
located
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are located
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 at the centre of the building. After the renovation, it can be seen that the
bookstore
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 entrance,
travel related
Add a hyphen
travel-related
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books
Use synonyms
, new
books
Use synonyms
 section and
also
Linking Words
 service desk remain the same,
while
Linking Words
 the area previously used solely for Fiction sections is now divided into more varied
books
Use synonyms
 categories
together with
Linking Words
books
Use synonyms
 related to art, hobbies and cookery. The fiction section
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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previously located on the corner of the
bookstore
Use synonyms
 is now given into non-fiction genres. The most noticeable change is there is a new café and three tables located at the centre of the library.
Submitted by firmanrasyidi on

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words bookstore, books with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "remains" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • depicts
  • changes
  • occurred
  • transformations
  • developments
  • span
  • visual
  • comparison
  • illustrates
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