IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Doctors in many countries are saying that people are not getting enough physical exercise. What are the causes of this? How it can be addressed?

#doctors #countries #people #exercise
In recent years, because of the duties and obligations people have, a down falling trend for getting physical exercise has occurred.
In addition
, doctors are warning people that it might lead to some adverse effects on society. The causes of
this
 trend and their solutions are two important discussions. In
this
 essay, I will outline the reasons and their possible solutions.
Firstly
, having a timetable or a written plan could be helpful when it comes to time management.
Hence
, people do not have to struggle with timing issues and can compact their schedule based on whatever should be done in a day or a week.
For instance
, going to the gym, despite having a busy day, might be difficult.
However
, by pinpointing each hour and by predicting circumstances that you might be tired, you would probably be capable of doing some exercises.
Thus
,
this
 excuse could be addressed in
this
 way.
On the other hand
, physical injuries could be another reason that cannot be solved by just planning.
For example
, you cannot participate in a marathon when your leg is injured or you have a backache.
Moreover
, some argue that it might lead to some catastrophic failures when you exercise physically despite having injuries and you should take a proper rest to get healed.
Therefore
, resting properly under some supervision could be another solution to the latter cause. All in all, there might be numerous reasons for not getting physical exercise and it is a common thing among all countries that mainly stems from lack of time or injuries. Getting help from experts could be a rational decision after you detect your own personal reasons.
Submitted by aneizehbaz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Consider tightening the essay's structure even further to enhance coherence and cohesion. While there is a logical flow, some sections could benefit from clearer transitions and linkages to maintain the reader’s engagement.
development
Expand on some points with more detailed examples, particularly the solutions. While the essay outlines possible causes and solutions, additional elaboration on how these solutions could be implemented or their potential impact could strengthen the task achievement.
structure
The essay effectively includes both an introduction and a conclusion, fulfilling important structural requirements and helping guide readers through its arguments.
supporting points
All main points are generally well-supported, providing a comprehensive look at the causes and solutions related to the lack of physical exercise.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • digital entertainment
  • physical inactivity
  • recreational facilities
  • modern conveniences
  • remote work
  • high stress levels
  • streaming services
  • video games
  • social media
  • physical activity
  • accessibility
  • public awareness campaigns
  • health benefits
  • habit formation
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!