In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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In recent years, the improvement of human life has led to an impressive

lifespan

Use synonyms

in a lot of countries. Some

people

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worry that

this

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situation causes trouble for the governments,

while

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others believe it is advantageous to have more elders. In my opinion, the benefits of

people

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having longer lifespans significantly outweigh the drawbacks

due to

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two main reasons.

First,

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since

people

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are living longer than before, the working period of

people

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also

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increases, which is a great support for economic development. Japan,

for instance

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, is a country with a surprisingly high mean

lifespan

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. The age of retirement here is

also

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much higher than in other countries. Some elderly

people

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are even willing to work after retirement because they think a lifestyle without working is boring.

As a consequence

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, the

overall

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performance of Japanese during their lives is much better which leads to rapid economic development.

Therefore

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, Japanese society benefits greatly from civilians' long lifespans.

Second,

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elderly

people

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are a valuable source of knowledge that helps increase the quality of high-level jobs. As an example,

due to

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the short

lifespan

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in the past, only a few

people

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were well-educated to perform complex tasks like engineering.

In contrast

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, the extended

lifespan

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in the modern era allowed more and more talented individuals to fully explore their abilities and satisfy requirements for higher careers

such

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as lawyer, doctor or astronaut.

This

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qualified manpower is the driving force behind the technological insights in advanced nations

such

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as the USA or Japan. In conclusion, the ageing population is a blessing for the society. Thanks to the notable advantages

this

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phenomenon brings to

the

Correct article usage

apply

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governments and their citizens, we have the

opportunities

Fix the agreement mistake

opportunity

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to develop our community.

tranhuyhung1998Sun Dec 10 2023

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task achievement

Ensure that the essay directly addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages. While the advantages are well-explained, there is a lack of detail on the disadvantages, which affects the balance of the argument and completeness of the response.

task achievement

Work on developing a more balanced argument by dedicating equal parts of the essay to both sides of the issue. By doing this, you will present a more comprehensive response that aligns with the requirements of the question.

task achievement

Include specific examples to support each point made. While you have provided general examples of the benefits of an aging population, including particular instances or statistics can improve the essay's persuasiveness and relevancy.

coherence cohesion

Maintain a clear logical structure throughout the essay with distinct paragraphs for each main idea. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the central idea and employ cohesive devices to create fluidity between points.

coherence cohesion

Make sure that the introduction and conclusion are clear, with the introduction setting out the topic and your position, and the conclusion summarizing the main points and restating your opinion.

coherence cohesion

Support each of your main points with well-developed arguments and relevant examples. This will enhance the essay by providing a clear understanding of the reasons behind your viewpoint.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – Problems
Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

One of the first problems of the...
Another problem that needs to be considered...
A possible solution to this problem would be...
One immediate practical solution is to...

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

280 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

ageing population
benefits
disadvantages
advantages
experience
knowledge
contribution
economy
society
healthcare
youth employment
community
intergenerational support
volunteerism
mentorship
increased demand
pension costs
social welfare systems
workforce
productivity
intergenerational conflict
technological adaptability
dependency
effective
skill development
employment opportunities
intergenerational solidarity
communication
lifelong learning
technological literacy
age-friendly
social policies
infrastructure

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