IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#businesses #emphasise #products #development
These days, in their commercials, companies tend to declare that the products which belong to them are new in some way. It may be because people always think that new is always better. What I believe is
this
 approach affects negatively. First of all, the human soul is insatiable.
Due to
greedy
Replace the word
greed
show examples
, they will always want something newer. Since firms know about
this
, they design their commercials in order to make it seem like a newer one.
Thus
, they attract more customers and make more profit. We can say it is a branch of capitalism.
For instance
, the Apple Company introduces a new phone and they claim
this
 phone has better qualities but in fact, all of them are nearly the same
exceptfor
Correct your spelling
except for
 a few colour changes.
On the other hand
,
this
 development is able to turn into a competition in society.
Moreover
,
while
 the ones who are wealthy are capable of affording better products, others will feel like they are useless because they do not have enough money for them. Thereby, it may cause a hierarchy in which every person tries to climb the upper class.
For example
, in undeveloped countries,
such
 as India, we can see humans love to show others their expensive cars or brilliant properties.
On the contrary
, I have never seen
this
 situation in a country like Germany. In there, they only care about fuel consumption or cars’ harm to the environment and choose wisely. All in all, it seems to me that corporations try to persuade human beings that their products are new in order to attract their attention and I think it affects society negatively.
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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve the logical structure of your essay, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next with clear transitions. Additionally, each main point should be distinctly separated into its own paragraph to enhance readability and coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Include both an introduction and a conclusion that clearly state the topic and summarize the main points of the essay. Make sure the conclusion provides a final perspective that relates back to the question asked without introducing new arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Each main point in your essay should be supported with specific examples. Ensure that these examples are directly tied to the argument you are making in each paragraph.,
Task Achievement
Your response should fully address all parts of the task. Ensure you provide a balanced view if the question requires a discussion of both sides or opinions. In this essay, you could mention some possible positive aspects of the trend of advertising newness before reaffirming your position on why it's negative.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas comprehensively by delving deeper into the reasons behind the emphasis on newness in advertising, including the psychological aspect, consumer behavior, and social impact. Provide a more nuanced discussion that reflects a complete understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
While providing examples is good, try to use a wider range of them, including statistics, case studies, or expert opinions, to bolster your argument and make it more convincing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
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