IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that when deciding how taxes should be spent, governments should prioritise health care. Other people believe that there are more important priorities for taxpayers' money. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some individuals argue that before the
government
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 decide how to spend taxes, they should consider
health
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 care
while
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 others believe that there are important things that need the taxpayers'
money
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.
Although
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 there are important facilities that need
money
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, I believe that there is nothing as important as a citizen's
health
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. On the one hand, Some people believe that many
sectors
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 other than hospitals need the taxpayers'
money
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.
This
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 is because these
sectors
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 are very important to the community as a whole
such
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 as education which is responsible for having a well-educated generation who give back to their community.
For example
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, China's
government
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 gives funds to both public and private schools to provide a good environment for the learners in these schools.
However
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, the citizens's
health
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 is more important than their education.
On the other hand
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, some argue that the
government
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 should invest
money
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 in healthcare facilities.
This
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 is because some hospitals lack certain devices for operations which hinders doctors' work and threatens patients'
health
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.
For instance
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, King Khalied Hospital lacks devices that are used for eye operations and doctors are still waiting for the
government
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 to provide them with the requested devices.
Therefore
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.
government
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 should consider these problems in
health
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sectors
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 and prioritize them when deciding where to spend their
money
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. In conclusion, despite some beliefs that
government
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 should invest
money
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 in important
sectors
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such
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 as education because of its beneficial impact on the community as a whole, I think that individuals'
health
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 is a necessary thing to spend
money
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 on.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly expands on one main idea. Your argument in support of healthcare could benefit from more examples or further elucidation. Additionally, while you present both viewpoints, try to balance the discussion of each side more evenly.
coherence cohesion
Even though your introduction and conclusion are present and effectively summarize your position, try building stronger links between sentences and ideas throughout the essay. Using cohesive devices more effectively can improve the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Expand your points with more examples or supporting statements for better clarity. It's important to delve deeper into each argument to illustrate a well-rounded understanding.
introduction conclusion present
You provide a clear introduction and conclusion, framing your essay well and answering the question by stating your opinion clearly.
relevant specific examples
Your response includes relevant examples that support your points, such as the mention of funding in Chinese schools and the lack of medical devices in King Khalied Hospital, enhancing the discussion's relevance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Fundamental need
  • 2. Economic growth and development
  • 3. Workforce productivity
  • 4. Preventive health care
  • 5. Cost-effective
  • 6. Long-term outcomes
  • 7. Health disparities
  • 8. Social equity
  • 9. Socioeconomic status
  • 10. Vulnerable populations
  • 11. Infrastructure
  • 12. Quality of life
  • 13. Knowledgeable workforce
  • 14. Economic propellers
  • 15. Balanced approach
  • 16. Diverse allocation
  • 17. Societal development
  • 18. Robust economic performance
  • 19. Public funds
  • 20. Health system burden
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